Last night was a tough night. Up until evening I had a stellar day. Right on point, kept my carbs low, and drank plenty of water. Then it hit, this deep urge to eat. I battled this late in the evening, I felt no belly hunger, it was just an urge to eat. A drive that is way too familiar.
I woke up this morning without that urge, feeling ready to conquer the day. What a difference a good nights sleep makes. There is always darkness right before the dawn.
I knew the hunger was in my head and maybe a little in my heart. I feel my deepest loneliness late at night, and loneliness triggers my urges to eat and nurture myself. This was a habit channeled long ago when I was a lonely little girl, spending too much time alone and disconnected. I want to point out, being alone is way different that being lonely. I was feeling lonely last night. I craved to connect, so small talk with just anyone was not going to help.
The truth is, I am not a child anymore, yet the urge came from the little girl inside of me. She was so use to using food to feed her lonely pain. But the difference is, I’m not a child, I am the adult, and I need to parent to that little girl.
Over eating is not something that takes over our actions like a demon we have no power over. Biologically our frontal lobe of our brains is where we make decisions. This separates us from the animals. We choose our actions. Now this urge sometimes feels like it possesses me, and that little girl inside of me truly believes she is being taken over. But that is when I need to be the kindest to myself, remembering how much I deserve to be healthy and happy. knowing my worth, and all the talents God has given me. Reminding myself of those close friends who have been at my side for years and would drop and run if I was ever in a crisis.
But that is still not the magic answer, it’s hard, and what I feel, well, it feels real, very real. This is when I have to act on knowledge and not feelings. I know the facts; I am not feeling belly hunger, I don’t need to eat, there are many other ways to nurture myself. This is one reason why I dislike the phrase “if it feels good do it” or “if it makes you happy…..” Some things that feel good are bad for us. Like eating myself to weighing over 500 pounds. For that moment, the food was good, it felt good, it gave me temporary happiness. But I paid the price.
I’m seeing a world that has become instant gratifying, acting on feelings instead of doing what it right and good. Everything is fast, if the drive up at McD’s takes more that 5 minutes we whine, we don’t plan ahead, we act on impulse regardless of how self destructive it will be in the long run.
I have noticed there are triggers that kick in these urges, for me it’s when I am tired, lonely, insecure, or bored. I need to be mindful that an urge is not a feeling. It’s the feelings that trigger the urges, but an urge is simply and urge. This takes away a lot of it’s power. It’s not a fight, it’s being smart, using wisdom and thinking things through before we bite.