Staying Strong even when I feel weak

As most of you know by now, I am currently taking classes to become a Weight Loss Coach. While I am in the process of getting fit, I am preparing myself for a lifetime commitment to help those who struggle like I am.

It’s very common to turn a major life experience into a livelihood. I think if you go into it with your eyes open, it can be a good thing. Recovering Alcoholics often become Addiction counselors, Sick children often grow up to be Doctors, People who have deep spiritual experiences become spiritual leaders, and almost all those I know who have mastered weight loss, write blogs, or find a way to help others. It’s a good thing. When I started this journey to health, I scoured the internet looking for people who had overcome obesity. The most inspiring teachers I have today, are those whom I searched out.

There is a lot of talk about the Law of Attraction. I’m a Christian, so that perspective does not exactly fit my personal faith. New Age philosophy includes many spiritual concepts, including Christianity. I am not that, I am only a Christian, my faith revolves around Jesus Christ, which these days is not a popular name to say. But it is the biggest part of who I am. Since I want the right to choose what I believe, I have respect for everyone else’s choice to have their own faith as well. With that all said, I do believe God hears the desires of our hearts, and loves to please His children. I also believe sometimes, we do not always get what we want, because God had a better plan than our mortal minds can realize. But I believe God loves to give satisfaction and happiness to His children, His love for us is greater than we can possibly wrap our heads around. His joy comes from us receiving his love and blessings. Sometimes I hesitate sharing all of what  I am experiencing because my personal faith is very criticized these days.

God Is Most Glorified in Us When We Are Most Satisfied in Him.~John Piper

As you all know, I have had some very dark days. I have stayed strong, even though I feel weak. I am working through it, and feeling better. I lost one pound this week. I found it too awkward to make a big stink about it. So I didn’t really post anything. I’m grateful for the pound, but I would be lying if I did not admit it was a bit disappointing. I am too focused on getting under that big number, so I have been visioning myself past all of that. I am not a victim to the scale, or water retention. I can do better. I let my weighing and measuring slide, and start guessing, and don’t always count that pat of butter on my green beans. These are the little things that really add up.

The rebellious stubborn side of me, still resists all this rigidness to exacting the proper amounts of food down to the gram. I keep thinking how “normal” people don’t even give it a thought. And of course when I rationalize it in my head, (i.e. lie to myself) I tell myself that I am not eating even close to the way I was eating a little over a year ago. The reason I detest lying and seeing denial in others is because it is the character defect I hate the most in myself. It seems so much easier to believe the lies I tell myself.

I promise you I will keep blogging even when I am struggling. I have noticed a pattern with bloggers, many of them fade or quit writing when they are not having a lot of success. These are the days I need to be here the most. Blessings to all of you!

 

Depression

 

For some reason I’ve been really down. I have not mentioned it to anyone, it seems kind of pointless. I really didn’t want to worry anybody, and honestly, I was in no mood to hear all the standard comments about what I have to be thankful for. I am fully aware. Even an Olympic athlete get’s weary. Also, friends with the best intentions trying to cheer me up. Sometimes all you want is to be heard and someone to sit with you. I will shake it off, it’s all part of the emotional damage from living so long alone and being morbidly obese. My rational side of my head knows it will pass. So I just keep moving forward. Living by faith and not by sight. But I can’t seem to stop the tears.

I know it’s depression. Who wouldn’t be depressed living in a morbidly obese body? The road seems so long. I’m not getting any younger, I question if I am too late to really create the life I want. I wonder if I will be alone like this the rest of my life. I worry endlessly about finances and things I need to do to my deteriorating house. When I feel  this way the regrets and fears can really pile up. Isolating does not help it much, so I have been pushing myself out the door, even if it’s a little drive to go out for coffee.

It’s funny how your thoughts spiral downward when a person gets like this. All my failures, flood my head, as well as all the relationships and people I miss that I have lost. When you are working at creating a better future for yourself the process can be long and grueling. I picked up the phone several times, and went through my phone numbers in my phone, but couldn’t find anyone who I could share such intimacy with that was available. I can’t stand to be patronized, even if the intentions are good.

In the past I usually dealt with this by cooking something like a big batch of spaghetti in meat sauce, with a quart of ice cream. It was my “go-to” when I felt like I was drowning in deep depression. But even if I did that, I could not enjoy it. I’ve come too far. I know it would only make me sink deeper. For that I am thankful. I would rather feel this, and get past it, than stuff it down and let everything fester even more.

Depression is fickle. I can shut down and be weepy for days, then wake up the next day and feel totally different. This is not a crisis, it’s all part of the process of learning to feel my feelings instead of avoiding them. It just does not feel very good.

I have been committed to writing my totally honesty on this blog. This is my reality. There are days that I just have nothing inspirational to say. This is one of them.

Measuring My Success

 

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One of my homework assignments for my coaching class is writing a business vision. It seemed like a lot of fussing around and busy work, because it was quite detailed. After I got into it a bit I understood the importance of the exercise. I started visualizing specific things I never gave much though to. It gave me a balance, and it pointed out how the steps I take towards my goal today, have everything to do with where I wanted to be, and how I am going to get there.

So, I started thinking and applying this to my weight loss goals. How much weight do I want to have off in 6 months? A year? 5 years? Am I going to get there at the rate I am now going? What do I need to change today to get there?

In my past weight loss days, I only focused on the current weight loss, and maybe at most what it would be like to have 50% of the weight off. I have lost, in my life time 100+ pounds 4 different times, and 200 once. I seem to be successful at the losing process once I get on track, but I seem to lose my way after I get a nice chunk of it off. I believe it may, partly, be due to the fact that after losing 100+ I find myself more comfortable and mobile than when I was at my highest weight. I got too comfortable, getting tons of compliments, and allowing myself to become sloppy and careless because I was not motivated by the pain of obesity anymore…. well, compared to where I came from. I remember losing weight from being in the mid 400s and weighing 290 pounds thinking, “I could be this weight all my life and I would be happy” Because to me, I was able to get around without much pain (compared to where I was) Being able to buy clothes at Lane Bryant, and even dating. I also had a lot of confidence. (I am convinced it was my confidence more that my weight loss that was most attractive anyway,…but thats a topic for future posts)  I just did not have that urgent motivation any more. Yet, when I was in the 200s, and doing all those TV informational, those who weighed less than I were always coming up to me for my secret to success. I was put on a pedestal because of losing 200 pounds, and yet still weighed in the mid 200’s. There were people who were under 200 pounds that wanted what I had. I had a lot of trouble wrapping my head around that, and I never felt worthy of the compliments I got.

When I was in the 200’s and started gaining my weight back, I kept rationalizing it by saying “well, I’m not in the 300s or 400s so I’m still successful.  I let myself slip, and rationalized all the binging I was secretly doing. Then the weight kept piling on, I remember getting to 280 and thinking, why does it feel so horrible to weight 280 now, and yet when I was losing and hit 280, I though I was on top of the world?

It is so important to have a map, a plan, goals. It’s important to visualize specifically where we want to go, or in this case weigh, and have specific mile marks along the way. Without a goal, or some direction we can easily get lost or run out of motivation. Keeping in mind this is only a measure of my physical weigh loss, and not the value of who I am. My value never increases when I lose weight, no matter how much. I was a valued human being even when I weighed in the 500s. Weight loss, is only a health issue. But we honor who we are by eating healthy and taking care of our bodies.

I use to set out to lose weight, not really having a specific number in mind. I even said on occasion “oh, I’ll know when I get there”. But that is not true. Losing weight, especially a lot of weight, can not lean on how we are feeling to measure our success. That is proven a lot of ways, that’s why someone from LA wears a heavy coat on a 50 degree weather and someone from Nebraska is wearing shorts.

So today I wrote down how much I want to weight in 6 months, a year, and even 5 years. Because I want to keep this weight off this time for the rest of my life. And without a roadmap, chances are, I won’t make it.

Taking on New Challenges

We never stop learning about ourselves. Every time I take on a new challenge in life, I have to tell myself to pause and slow my brain down. It seems whenever I get overwhelmed, I shut down, and panic, this can soon turn into tears, or blaming someone or something else. I have done this all my life, but only the last few years have I recognize the behavior, with the help of some good friends pointing it out. My expectations are always very high. I think I am the only person I know who had such a blown over the top expectation of Disneyland, that when I got there, I was disappointed.

I have had very little formal education on the computer. I grew up in an era where we did not even have calculators. So all my training has been self taught. Learning something on the computer through a book or verbal instructions pretty much swallows me up in a very short time. My biggest problem is that I do not know the terminology. I do not know how to navigate common software as well. So the simplest instructions lose me really quick. It’s not a lack of intelligence, It’s about not getting the basics. I’m not sure exactly what a PDF file is or how it works, I just know if I click on it information seems to appear on my screen,… sometimes. But how to create one or save it, confuses me. So I just get mad, or cry. Then I get over it and move on.

I’m taking classes to become a Weight Loss Life Coach. I ace the communication part. It’s pretty natural for me to put someone at ease and open up. I am great at understand human emotions, and coaching someone through a task. But learning is a new animal these days. It’s far more than a text book, doing research and writing a few papers like I am use to when I took collage classes. This involves searching through websites, deep into massive links through a forest of pdf files, and forms to fill out. It feels like I will never quit fumbling, It seems to me it takes more of an education to learn the technology and where to find it than to actually learn the skill of coaching. Remember when homework was just answering a few questions in the back of the chapter you just read in a bound book? But isn’t that the case with learning anything new? I am trusting that soon I will find my way through all this and it will be a breeze. I know this because I knew nothing about blogging, and yet little by little I have figured out the basics of having a website, and using the software available to do a basic blog. I also have some very patient friends I can call along the way to help me figure it all out.

So what does this have to do with weight loss, you ask? Well my knee jerk reaction to calm myself is to eat. It also becomes a reward after a tough task. I’m not doing that this time. But I must confess, I have been very irritated and just plain grouchy this weekend. I believe this is one of the many paths to healing my hungry heart. Because it certainly is not belly hunger.

I figured out how to take some old VHS and 8mm videos and put them on Facebook this weekend. I had some very old videos of me and a friend who has passed, when we were children. I got to share it with her daughter. It was fun to share it. I also found some old video of my Father and his friend Everett riding their horses. I got to share that with Everett’s family. They were delighted! Watching these old videos of people I love that have passed on made me very lonely and weepy this weekend. But that’s the price we pay for loving  and being loved deeply. It’s a fair trade off.

I am 2 pounds away from being under 400 pounds. I’m really hoping to getting there soon. The last time I was under 400 pounds was in 2001. And to think next year I will be under 300! Pound by pound, I am regaining my health back. And that’s something to rejoice over!

 

2 more pounds down, for a total of 676 bottles of soda!

I was down 2 pounds this morning, I now weight 402. I am 2 pounds away from being under 400, a number I have been over way too long. It is important that I get under that number and keep losing.

This caused me to think about the book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Steven Covey. That book was what really energize my 200 pound loss in the mid 90s. I use to rally around all my friends problems losing myself in the middle of it all, while neglecting my own health. It was nothing unusual for me to drop what I was doing to run to someone’s aide. All while I let my own health deteriorate.

135 pounds equals 675 two liter bottles of soda!

135 pounds equals 675 two liter bottles of soda!

I rationalized it by telling myself I was the good friend. I would often come off a saint. I even did this with my dog. I would run to the vet if he had a cough, yet, it had been years since I had a yearly check up. My little maltese, Gabe was impeccably groomed, yet I wouldn’t take time to give myself that kind of care.

Now don’t get me wrong, I still love my friends, and would be there for them anytime. But so many times I ran to what was urgent, when what was important got neglected. In fact I may have enabled a few people instead of helping them. I believe subconsciously it was that instant gratification I got from being a loyal friend or hero that trumped taking the time to honor my health. After all, eating a salad sure does not lend the instant reward of getting pat on the back for rescuing a friend, or doing something heroic. I was conditioned at a very young age to be kind, giving, and selfless. It’s pretty common among us fat chicks. We don’t always light up a room with our looks, so we have to find a non-visual way to be attractive. Maybe not consciously, but my actions spoke volumes.

It’s a funny thing how we set the pace how people will treat us. If we do not treat ourselves with respect, the world won’t either. I am not speaking of being selfish, or doing something indulging at the cost of someone else. That is selfish, and wrong.

There is an old analogy people use to explain this. When you are in an airplane, with your child, and (God forbid) the oxygen masks would drop down in case of an emergency. they always tell you to put the mask on yourself first, then help your child with his. How in the world can I help others breath when I can’t breath myself? So, how can I, as an obese woman, be any good to anyone if I am handicapped, or dead? That is not love. In fact, it is a form of selfishness.

So what happens to a person who neglect themselves? I can tell you because it happened to me. You get very resentful, then bitter. You become thinned skinned. I was passive/aggressive. Sweet as honey one minute, then bitter and resentful the next. You have never experienced loneliness as deep as when you abandon yourself. No wonder I did not get the respect I thought I deserved, I didn’t respect myself. This goes far beyond getting a mani-pedi. Having a spa day is not what I am talking about here.

So coming back to the subject of my weight loss, and being 2 pounds away from under 400. It is very important that I stay on track. It is the kindest most loving thing I can do for myself right now. At this point, every calorie counts. I’m kind of stuck in the middle, where most people plateau. I have been experiencing some frustrating plateaus, but now is the time to push harder. I have lost a good chunk of weight, and honestly the first 20% just fell off of me. But now, my body has become fuel efficient, and I’m still too big to really work our hard. My calorie consumption is critical.

I am so grateful for my friend Diane, whom I swim with. She helps me target the areas I struggle with, and helps me figure out a plan, and then fine tune it. I am accountable to her that I see it through. I encourage all of you to seek out friends like this. I have several other friends that have been walking me through each challenge as well.

My first coaching class was last night. 3 hours! it was at home, so I could be in my jammies, sit on my bed with my books, and computer spread out around me. I think I am going to like it. My next class is tomorrow night. Tonight is the meeting I co-facilitate with Sean and Gerri. For any of you who missed Sean on the Today show yesterday morning, here is a link. Sean on the Today Show , He did so well, and was way past due for this recognition. He has not only worked hard to gain back his health, he inspires so many people along the way. I am grateful for this good friend!

Accountability

Tomorrow my friend Sean Andersen who has lost nearly 300 pounds and writes the blog, The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser will be on NBC’s Today show as a guest on the Joy Fit Club. It’s very exciting! Sean has been one of my accountability partners for about 6 months now. I met him through his blog, and I joined a weight loss group he and a friend facilitate last fall. I am currently honored to co-facilitate this group with Sean and Gerri helms, life coach .  I am starting tomorrow taking on line classes to learn to coach and become a certified coach. Gerri has lost 100 pounds and has kept it off for 2 decades! These 2 friends have been the catalyst for me to keep going as long as I have. It is nearly impossible to lose a lot of weight without an action plan and an accountability partner. I have several other accountability friends as well, one being Diana, who swims with me three times a week. And we get a lot more than swimming done, I share some pretty deep things with Diana and she helps keep me on task.

There are people who successfully lose weight and even keep it off all alone without someone by their side. I am not made up with that kind of strength. I have always leaned on my friends to get me through tough times. But the accountability I have experiences since I have met Gerri and Sean has by far been the best ever. We do more than share our goals, and report about our day to each other. We make action plans, and work through all the obstacles that are always coming across us. The level of honestly between these friends is like I have never experienced. There is nothing I could tell them that would be shocking or shamed. But, nothing is sugar coated. If I struggle and a plan is made, I am expected to work through it, and they are right by my side. There is a ZERO tolerance for excuses. If you are even wanting to join our weight loss group, a new 10 week season starts in June.

Sean is way over due for this recognition of his weight loss achievements. And he is ready for it. Sean has not only lost his weight, he has kept if off as well. Here is a link to a local TV story that was done about him last week. Sean’s Weight Loss story

Have fun Sean, we are all so very proud of you!

Emotional Intelligence

 

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When I was deep into my binging and eating anything that was not nailed to the walls, I was very immature emotionaly. I was hyper sensitive, I had the thinnest skin on the planet. I almost looked for things people said to offend me. I was the victim, and as shamefully as it is to admit, I felt those around me who had what I didn’t, should come to my rescue. These things are really hard to admit to, even today. I craved attention, and was a master at getting it. I was super sweet, overly generous, and played the sweet poor victim. When my life collapsed, and everyone I loved died, I used the sympathy of my friends to my advantage. It was not something I really want to admit, and I rationalized every bit of it away. I feel great shame about these awful defects in my character. I also wasted a lot of years wallowing in self pity. This is my truth, and until I saw who I really was, and took personal responsibility, I could not truly take care of myself, eat like a normal person and regain my health.

All of those ugly things in my life, have been exposed to the light. And the most amazing thing is happening to me. All of those ugly character defects, God is miraculously transforming into the most valued treasures in my character. My Immature emotions have turned into maturity, I do not fear feeling things that are difficult, and I feel joy much deeper. My defensive nature, and thin skin, has made me into a more perceptive understanding person. My victim mentality, has given me the wisdom to help people who truly have a need, instead of rescuing someone in order to become lovable or a hero. Now let me be clear, I have not arrived by any means. I have a lot of work to do on my character. But I am so much better, and recognize this behavior before it gets too far or creates damage. I still step on toes occasionally, and when I recognize it, I give a heartfelt apology and move on, hoping to do better.

These things have had great affect on my eating habits, and self care. It’s very stressful to hide personal flaws. And it’s even more exhausting to hide them from yourself, because you are constantly rationalizing your behavior. I was always wound tight with a lot of anxiety. Food became a stress reliever. I use to make huge portions of food and binge on it. The whole time I was in the eating process, I shoved food inside of me faster than those 4th of July hot dog eating contest at Coney Island. kobayashi-hotdogsThe whole time I was shoving food in my mouth, I was emotionally flatlined. I felt nothing, it totally blocked out the mess in my head, and the faster I could eat, the better it numbed my head. I was totally unaware of why I was abusing food. It was primal urge that I felt I could not fight off. But as I matured emotionally, that drive lowered it’s intensity.

There is a theory regarding alcoholics, that says the alcoholic quits emotional maturity around the time he starts drinking heavy. So If he starts drinking in his teens, as a 40 year old man he may have the emotional maturity of a teenager. I believe I experienced some of this with food. I had the emotional intelligence of a child throughout my life. I had and still have a lot of child like qualities. This has now morphed into my being a very approachable person.

It never ceases to amaze me how God is the master of recycling. He takes the rubble and the garbage of our lives, the dirty and stinkiest parts of us and transformed them into beautiful functional qualities, but only if we let Him.

I start next Monday taking life coach classes on line. I want to become a certified life coach, and help those who were lost and unhealthy like I. I have a lot to learn, but figuring myself out is the biggest step. Honesty is not always about telling lies, it is mostly about stepping out of denial.

Broken

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I am broken. There are many quotes, books, and scriptures that run a parallel about us being like broken vessle. In today’s standards, when something is broken we toss it out. There was a time in this country when there were people who made a living fixing broken things. TV repairman, Refrigerator repairman, even our clothing. Everything had value. We are conditioned to think anything that is broken is worthless.

Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. As a philosophy it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise. The gold forces the observer to take notice of the issue. While kintsugi restores functionality to an object, it also adds beauty and worth.

When a person is broken, to the world it means you have less worth, you are not taken as seriously. It’s something we hide in shame. We can sometimes think it’s better to just hide it, and hope no one notices, and keep pretending everything is fine. That can often lead to a dead end. Our brokenness, like that cracked windshield on our cars, cracks further, and eventually shatters, leaving the car un-drivable, the shattered glass prevents us from seeing where we are going or appreciate the beauty around us, because we no longer see it. What we do see becomes distorted.

What if we look at our brokenness as something of beauty? Like the Japanese artist, we fill it in with find gold, expose it to the light, use it to add value instead of hiding it? Often when a crack is repaired,  what we once saw as weakness becomes even stronger with the attention we give it. We become interesting, we are useful, we are actually stronger, and glisten in the sun. It makes us unique.

I recently had a conversation with a friend, about our struggles with our weight. How often we see it as a big failure, and something ugly. Focusing on the wasted time spent losing and gaining weight throughout our lifetimes. We both agreed that the flaws and struggles in our life have become the best thing that has happened. We are repairing our flaws, and have gotten stronger, through it. Since everyone has flaws, we can inspire others to stop hiding them, and offer the hope for repair.

The thing is, when we are at our best is when we are in a constant process of repair. We never just repair our flaws and stay the same. Life wears us down, we need to constantly keep repairing and improving ourselves.

Some of the biggest treasures in the antique world are the items that are left as they are, not refurbished but left alone, exposing the history and wear over time. It is a testament of it’s rich history.

Don’t get me wrong, we should always strive to stay on track. Some people use their brokenness as an excuse to continue self destructive behavior. I’m not suggesting we eat recklessly and chalk it up to a learning experience. Or use it as an excuse to sneak in a bit of self indulgence. But the rubble of our lives can be great teachers of what we never want to do again. We can use that experience to make us stronger. Repeating the same errors over and over without repair, in time, can make us crumble. But learning from our mistakes, can lend valuable lifetime lessons. It teaches us we can really change our lives.

Never hide your flaws, or feel shame when you stumble. Acknowledge what you did, pick yourself up and fill it with the golden lesson you learned. And let it shine!

Habits, Cravings and Urges

The major theme of my life has always been about losing weight. I have been to many, many councilors, therapist, ministers, secular weight loss groups, Christian weight loss groups. I have been convinced at times that my over eating and binging was due to anything from childhood trauma, low self esteem, to not having enough faith in God. I have always felt there was some giant flaw in my character that drove me to self destruction. Sometimes I wonder if my life time pursue of losing weight has actually made my problem with weight even bigger. Like a self fulfilled prophesy. There are groups and diets that are very effective and have produced many success stories. The fact is, there are many vehicles in the weight loss industry that lead to success. But none, are easy, or magical. But I do believe sometimes I make it harder than it has to be.

At this point, I believe the thing that initially caused me to want to eat more food has been dealt with, or has diminished. I believe the cause, years ago, created a habit. The habit caused the craving. The craving caused the strong urges. It’s the urges that is what is under all of my battles with food.

We have 2 parts to our brain. One is the realistic logical side, and the other is the primitive part of our brain. I believe I have been listening to that primitive side most of my life regarding my eating habits. Not realizing the fact that I have power over my primitive brain. It is a bit more than just telling it to shut up, or just say no. There has to be an awareness, that voice is simply a recording, not real. I have believed this lie for so many years, I actually believed it was something I could not say no to. I allowed that voice to control me because I did not believe I had power over it.  I ever had a therapist tell me one, my abuse of food, was a cushion from some deep psychological issues I had. That it was a good thing that helped me survive. In my head this gave me a license to eat. I gained 100 pounds very quickly after I started to believe this. Thinking over eating was keeping me sane, and it was OK.

My Mother was a working mother. So I spent a lot of time as a child coming home to an empty house after school. My Mother was a very brittle diabetic, she had a distorted relationship with food. There was never a surplus of food in our kitchen. Most of the time, she or my Father, stopped at the store on the way home from work to buy the groceries to make for Dinner that night. There was rarely any snack foods waiting for me when I got home. I remember being home alone, eating 4 of 6 pieces of toast covered with butter, cinnamon, and sugar, along with a giant glass of milk. It just seemed that because there was not a supply of food in the cupboards, I would binge or anything available. I believe this caused me to over eat whenever and whatever I could find. I am sure I used food to nurture my lonely heart, and since I was alone, maybe just bordom. I remember binging on left over goulash after school that my Mom had planned as a left over meal for Dinner. There are many factors that caused me as a child to eat anything and everything available because I did not feel secure about food being available. It was a natural survival reaction in my child brain.

I believe this concern caused me to eat as much as I could any time food was available. As I grew up, and got a job and place of my own, I remember how I got a sense of security, from having my own groceries in my own home. Overeating brought me security and comfort. As I grew up as an adult, the food insecurities eventually left me, I knew I had enough food in my own home.  But what stayed with me, was the urge. I had developed a strong habit that created an urge to eat.

At this point in my life, the root cause of over eating is not the thing that causes me to over eat today. What I now have is a deep habit that creates strong urges. But at some point I did not realize I had the brain power to say no to those urges that my primitive brain tells me. Addictions come from your primal brain. It is the part of your brain that goes into survival mode. I now realize I have the power to say no to my primal brain, I can tell myself it is only an urge, and it will pass. It’s simply neurological junk that I have the power to stop listening to. As I quit feeding that primitive side of my brain, that voice becomes quieter. I have not completely shut down that primal voice, but it is much better and that is how I have had a successful 133 pound weight loss as of today. I have the veto power to shut down those self destructive voices.

There are a few strategies I use to shut down those voices. So instead of analyzing some deep psychological reason I had a craving, I can tell myself I do not have to act on it. I quit obsessing on what issues I have that created this craving, it took away it’s power.

There is a lot of talk about intuitive eating. I know people who have great success with this method. That has never really worked for me. My hunger signals have nothing to do with my personal battle with food. It never really worked for me, because for me, hunger is not the problem. I have tried very hard, many times to eat when hungry and stop when full. But I rarely recognize it, and when I do, there craving to binge wins no matter how my belly feels. I am only referring to my personal experience, intuitive eating works well for some.

I am sure there are several other minor players that give me the urger to over eat. Some is habit, some is boredom, some is insecurity, and some, is my love of food and eating.

There is a book that describes a lot of what I am talking about. Brain over BingeCatherine Hanson is the author, and there are several podcast where she has been a guest. You can find them by typing “Brain over Binge”  in iTunes Podcast. This book along with another book, were the catalyst to my success at weight loss today. The other book is QBQ The Question Before the Question. It’s an excellent book about taking personal responsibility.

Some other things that were helpful in my journey to health are walking away from the shame,  becoming truly honest with myself, and adapting accountability. 

I believe the road to being successful at anything involves several components. But the more we take action on our own self discovery, the closer we get to having success. Knowledge is a good thing, but to really change, takes action on that knowledge.