New Group Starts October 3rd!

o-sad-christmas-dog-facebookATTENTION…..🎄We are only 12 weeks away from Christmas!🎄………….. Can you believe it? Are you going to go into the Holidays feeling healthy or dreading the shape you are in? I have a solution! A NEW WEIGH, the weight loss group I co-facilate with Sean Anderson and Gerri Helms, has openings for you! We have weekly phone meetings, and a secret Facebook page. We also offer personal support and are always first hand available to you. Won’t you join us? The cost is about half of what most Weight Loss groups charge, and you get added support and accountability! Here is the Info so you can join us. If you have questions please feel free to contact me. 712-259-1736 “A New Weigh” groups start October 3rd and 4th. There are 3 groups to choose from;
Monday Night Primary Group 7:00 PM Eastern Time,…………..http://totalkathy.com/…
Tuesday Night Primary Group 8 PM Eastern………..http://totalkathy.com/…
Monday Night Premium Group 8:00 PM Eastern….Only 4 spots available on the Monday Night Premium Group, (it fills up fast)………http://totalkathy.com/

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A Bird in an Open Cage

Sometimes I feel like a bird in an open cage. I have been a prisoner in my body so long that I do not recognize the freedom I already have. I dream of days when I am not limited by my body, yet when the opportunity arises, I seem to find an excuse why I can’t do what I dream of. Some of it is because of the remnants of depression that seems to linger, and some is fear.

I remember going to NYC for the first time. I was doing an informational shoot for Richard Simmons weight loss fitness tape “Dance Your Pants Off”. I was there with friends I had met on a weight loss cruise with Richard, and I got up early to explore my new surroundings. We arrived at our hotel late in the evening, so when morning came I showered, got dressed, and enthuastically went down to the lobby of the hotel. I was going to get coffee, and The New York Times,sit in a coffee shop and really feel the vibe of this great city. I stepped out onto the sidewalk in front of the hotel, the noise, the plethora of people, and commotion was overwhelming! I was scared, and lost my courage to go out exploring on my own. I went back up to my room and waited for my roommate to wake up. I was not prepared at all for the great rush and crowded streets. Later that day we all went together exploring the city and everything was fine. Sometimes we just need someone else with us to be brave. I was use to living in a sleepy little Nebraska town, where early mornings were quite, and not very many people around. The phrase “A Town that Never Sleeps” is so true.

Sometimes I feel like that today, about life. I just spent the last decade in bed, Hiding under the covers. I woke up from that fat coma 10 years older, I have no idea what my capabilities or disabilities truly are, because they change daity. I am alone because all my friends have moved on with their lives. A lot can happen in 10 years, my friends who had school age children now have married children and grandchildren. Some have Great Grandchildren. I feel like a baby having to learn to walk all over again. But the difference is, I am alone. I don’t know many who have survived what I have survived. Honestly, most people in my situation are dead. Very few people as fat as I was live past middle age.  I believe the reason so many morbidly obese people who lose great amounts of weight gain it back because it can be terrifying.

Then I find myself crying out to God, asking him if he saved me from dying of obesity, why is it still so hard, and why am I so alone? Is this just a big joke? Does He really care, and is there a plan for my life? It seems cruel to bring someone halfway back from death, and just walk away from them to figure it out alone.

But I do believe God has a plan. I believe I am experiencing these things so someday I can hold the hand of another person who chooses to walk this path. I do not believe God makes bad things happen to people, but I believe He turns the rubble of our lives into something of value.

The door to my cage is half open. Today I choose to walk towards that open door, Some days I bust through it, and some days, the best I can do is stand in the doorway. And there are those days I just sit on top of the cage, trying to muster courage. But I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I will fly. And when I do, all of this will makes sense. My flight will erase all the regret, and I will feel the joy and freedom I long for. This little bird, will fly like the Eagles! Will you join me?

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Happy Birthday to Me!

 

 

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Monday is my 59th Birthday. I use to love having a birthday. I loved seeing all my friends and it made me feel loved. My Mom made big deal out of the birthday of the people she loved. My beauty shop was a day long party on September 12th.  When she died, my birthdays were never the same. I have never been loved like that since she died. There is nothing that can replace the love of a Mother.

I have been a little sad all week, and questioning myself a little. I don’t have the luxury of time to get this right. My goals is to be under 237 by next year this time. That is not my ultimate goal, but it will mean I have lost the majority of it. That would give me a 300 pound loss by my 60th birthday. It will take a lot of tenacity. But I believe I can do this. Sometimes I wish I could just fall asleep and wake up 140 pounds thinner. But like my friend Gerri says, if we don’t invest in it, we don’t value it near as much. I am investing!

All of this isolation is really getting to me. I am trying to apply for a discount membership to the Y up the street from my house, but they want all but my first born child. I have got to get out every day and a daily walk on that treadmill and being out with people, is just what I need. I can not afford the full price, even with the senior discount. Now they want a document from the IRS! They don’t make it easy, but, again, like my friend Gerri says, if we don’t have an investment in it, we don’t value something as much. If it’s handed over to us, there is not the same gratitude. So today I am going to poke around the IRS website and see if I can get this document. I need to quit whining.

My friend Diana is going to take me out to lunch on my Birthday. I am really looking forward to it. She said it’s my choice where we go, but honestly, I’d be thrilled with a 300 calorie Subway Sandwich. For the first time in my life the food makes no difference to me. I am just looking forward to getting out with my dear friend. I love her so much, never once has she ever judged me. It’s the friendship I embrace way more than the food.

this blog will be a year old on September 18th. That was the day I quit trying to do this alone, and made the choice to quit being a victim. I started being accountable on this blog, to all of you. Listen, if you want to lose weight, or change anything significant in your life, you do not need to do it alone. In fact, it’s nearly impossible to do it alone. Being overweight is an isolating disease. And the bigger we get, the more isolated we become, first by choice.  But as it progresses, we no longer have a choice, we simply lose our dignity then mobility. I existed day by day, looking forward to my next meal and living on the internet all day. I wasted almost a decade of my life in isolation. Never planning to watch the days turn into years. If you are telling yourself your life will never get as bad as mine was, you are only fooling yourself. I use to say that about some of the sad stories I would hear about others who never left their homes and then never left their beds. Then it happened.

So maybe today is your day. Maybe you will start today, right now, making changes in your life. So get rid of all those excuses, even the ones that have validation, reach out for help from someone who has what you want. Start living instead of just existing. Then, please write me and tell me about your dreams and progress. I believe in you! It’s never too late.

Be blessed everyone!

Contentment

 

 

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We had an interesting topic last night in the weight loss group, “A Better Weigh” that I co-facilitate with Sean Anderson and Coach Gerri Helms. Several members spoke of how they use food as a reward, and as in my last blog post referred to banking calories for that evening reward meal. So we went around the room, and asked each person to come up with a non-food reward for themselves. It was a great topic, and I got a lot out of it.

I have been thinking about this a lot. My relationship with food has more impact on my weight than the kind of food or amount I eat. I find if my relationship with food is in a good place, the rest all falls in place. Isn’t that the same, in some ways as a good marriage?

I love this Arctic Zero ice cream. It’s very low calories, and even if you eat the whole pint it is still under 150 calories. I got a nice stash of it in my freezer. I was noticing that when I plan to eat it at night after Dinner, it becomes this big reward. The big event of my evening. Then when I eat it, although I stay under my allotted amount of calories, sometimes I struggle with wanting more to eat the rest of the evening even though I am physically full. .

could this possibly be true simply because of my relationship with that ice cream? Am I making it a bigger reward and event in my day, then it disappoints when I eat it?  It does not deliver the satisfaction I expect. I wanting more? Or is it like binge watching something on Netflix? When I have spent nights watching something until 3 AM, and when it is suddenly over I feel a loss, and crave something just as good to watch? Someone once asked Rockefeller how much money was enough, he replied “one more dollar”.

Putting something so high on a pedestal that it makes you believe it will bring happiness and satisfaction is a pipe dream. Joy, contentment and happiness comes from within. When my relationship with food is alined correctly, I actually enjoy what I am eating much more. My expiations are not so high that I am setting myself up for disappointment. I end up taking time to really enjoy what I am eating. I read someplace that we only really taste the first couple of bites of anything we eat.

This works the same for me with portions. When I bake fries in my oven, sometimes I would get way overboard and end up with them piled high on my plate. I just gobble them down quickly and do not stop to really taste them. But a couple of nights ago I carefully weighed out the appropriate amount and they were the best baked fries I have had in ages. More is not always better. More does not satisfy me in a greater way. Simple, but true.

Afterwards, I am so much more satisfied. My mind is not obsessive anymore. It’s almost magical. contentment is a powerful thing. Happiness and Joy are wonderful, but contentment is everlasting. I strive to be content with what I eat today and not expect it to be the biggest event of my day. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not based on what I am planning to eat.

 

Brain over Binge

 

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About a year and a half ago I read a book called, Brain over Binge by Kathryn Hanson. It was a scientific approach to how our brains create urges that lead to a binge. This book totally changed my approach to fighting off an urge to overeat. Kathryn has recently offered a free ebook workbook on how to deal with fighting off an urge. Here is the link to the  Brain over Binge FREE ebook  .

I downloaded this little ebook and found it to be plethora of information.

“If you didn’t have binge urges, you would not binge, no matter what else is going on in your life, no matter what emotions you are feeling, no matter what problems you are facing.

There is nothing inherent about strong emotions or life’s problems that make you binge. It is the urge that drives your behavior, regardless of when, where, how, or why they surface, You’re urges encompass all of the thoughts, feelings, physical sensation, and cravings that make you feel compelled to binge.”

I spent years digging deep with therapist and reading books thinking if only I could find out WHY I have the urge to eat, then I could find the answer to stop it. But the bottom line is, its not the “why” it’s the urge, that makes me over eat!

The urge sensation comes from our lower or primal brain. The is the part of our brain that kicks in the survival mode, and can convince you of believing you can not stop eating.

“You have control over your voluntary muscles. The lower brain can not make you walk to the refrigerator or pick up the food.

The higher brain gives you identity, reason, and most importantly for binge eating, recovery-your self control functions. All the lower bran can do is encourage you to binge, and send the signals of craving, but you can always decide what to do when you experience the urge. 

If you think about your life now, there are times when you use self-control ver effectively. There are also certain things you would never consider doing, because of a strong moral conviction or simply because the action is too absurd or too dangerous. These actions are simply not an option in your mind. 

When the action is not an option for you, its effortless to resist. The more you can move binge eating into the category of behaviors you would never dream of preforming, the easier it will be to feel separate from the urge.”

I could go on and on, but it would be too much too read and I would lose you. But this awareness has been life changing to me. I highly suggest you read her book and download the ebook. it is tremendously insightful! 

I now understand that an urge is simply an urge, not a defect in my brain that takes over and controls me. I can now tell myself this is just neurological junk in my head, not my truth, or something that takes over control of my brain.

And that is what I tell myself every time the urge to binge starts. I just tell myself it is just static, empty thoughts that have no power over me.

I believe this book is a hidden treasure because of all of it’s scientific babble, and actually, it’s too simple. It’s a lot like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. She had the power all along!

I am now down to 384 pounds and have a 152 pound weight loss, I feel cautiously unstuck, and working my recovery plan everyday. The support and accountability I have built around me keeps me on track. I find it almost impossible to do this alone.

I am still working on building up my coaching business. If you are interested in some help with your weight loss journey please give me a call. 712-259-1736.