Fingers in the Peanut Butter Jar




I have been putting off writhing here simply because my weight loss has been on a plateau the last 3 weeks. I think, what could I possibly write worth reading when I am so frustrated right now. So, I kind of bury my head in the sand. Which is the exact opposite thing I should be doing. I just hate whining and excuse making. I hate hearing them and I feel dishonest using them.

It’s so hard to keep the saw sharpened. And I rationalize it by telling myself that I have successfully lost 155 pounds, which I have, and I no longer eat food with high amounts of sugar, fast food, or pizza. Some of my worst habits are gone forever. But, I’m still not having A+ days, if I was, I would be dropping weight much faster.

My struggles lie in portions. The amount of butter on my toast, a 10 ounce piece of chicken that I count at 6, or ever 4. That extra few ounces of pasta, when I weight it out. That finger I dip in the peanut butter jar as I spread the measured amount on my toast.

I hear all the time, regarding food and weight loss, people saying, “I don’t want to be a slave to a scale and measuring cup forever” I don’t like tracking my food or have time for it. I get all of that. I don’t either! But at 382 pounds, I need to. It’s not about the actual weight and measurement of the food, it’s about the surrender. It’s about letting go. In reality, weighing and accurately measuring my food is freedom, not slavery.

As far as time goes, if I have time to eat, I have time to accurately track what I’m eating. That is how I will become free from the cumbersome weight of my body, and ability to really live like I deserve to. I have a very long bucket list, that I need to start checking off very soon. I’m not getting any younger.

So I asked myself today, “What is the most important thing you can do today to gain freedom?” More important that anything today, it is to staying precisely on my food plan, and eating healthy, all day. I can have 23.9 hours of healthy eating in the day, and in that .1 part of the day I can mess up a whole days effort. That is how important accuracy is. no more fingers in the peanut butter!

I was hoping to hear from the Y today about a discount offered to those who qualify, and I have not heard anything, but it is Saturday, so Monday I will call them. I have to get a daily routine that gets me out of the house and moving everyday. I believe going to the Y that is only a few blocks from my house is the ticket. It’s time to start moving. I will keep you posted. Have a good weekend everyone!


Since I have been working with Sean and Gerri on our weight loss group I have noticed a pattern. It’s really interesting how alike we all are. The biggest struggles people seem to have is tracking what they are eating, and reaching out to each other, for support. I have to admit, it is two of my biggest challenges too.

I am pretty use to tracking my food I have some 600 days consecutive post in My Fitness Pal. But it took a while to get use to it. I wonder why we hate it so badly? Is it the time it takes? Too fussy? Or maybe we are afraid to really see what we are eating because we don’t want to see an area we are over eating in, and have to give it up. Why this is true we may never know.

My friend Gerri says, “I do not get thrilled about brushing my teeth or showering either, but doing it makes my life a whole lot better.” That’s a great analogy, There are simply some things we do where the trade off is worth it. If we do not in some way realize what and how much we are eating everyday, how will we ever stay on track enough to lose weight? There are many way’s to do this, but in reality, they all serve the same purpose. Counting calories, counting carbs, counting food exchanges, or even “Deal-A-Meal, or Food Mover (both Richard Simmons tools to track what you eat) are all about the same. Without doing this, it’s like driving across the country using only road signs and no map or GPS. You might get there, but it may take a long time, cost more, and you could miss something wonderful.

Reaching out is another one I hear a lot. And like tracking my food, it’s something I struggle with. I am convinced it is nearly impossible for me to lose weight alone. I need support and the accountability it brings. Privacy is one thing, but when we are being secretive in the name of privacy, we are going down a dangerous road. As my friend Liz says, “We are as sick as our secrets.” ( I have such wise friends) I have also noticed, the people I know who live a life full of mystery and secrets are often going down a crooked road, ending up in a bad place. That is where all my secret eating got me. Why? Because when there are secrets, often shame is involved, and shame is one of the biggest road blocks we can have preventing us from achieving our goal to a happier and healthier life.

The thing is, we need to develop those relationships before we need them. Building relationships, and opening up our flaws to a trusted friend, KEEPS us accountable, and we are less likely to stumble. And, when we do get tempted or stumble, (and we all do) we have already created a soft place to run to.

This world is so isolating these days. I watched a video of a comedian doing jokes abut how different we react these days when our doorbell rings. We use to get all excited when the doorbell rang, and my Mom use to keep a Pepperidge Coconut layer cake in the freezer for such an occasion. I remember being sneaky when I came home after school and was alone (I was a latch key kid, my parents both worked full time) I’d get in the freezer,  I would open the box, carve thin slices off one end, slide the cut end back into the box, and slip the open end of the box in the back and put it back into the freezer. When company would come I would get in so much trouble because half of the ‘Company” cake was missing. unknownThese days we live so isolated, depended on our Phones and Devices for Social interaction. If the doorbell rings without knowing someone is coming, we often hide back in the house, and don’t even answer the door. It’s considered impolite these days to not notify someone that we are coming over. How did we start living in such an isolated world?

I know it’s something I struggle with. If I isolate too much, I’m in trouble. I am constantly fighting this urge to stay comfortable in my home binging on Netflix and who knows what else. I have noticed those who live lives outside their homes and get out and about seem to have better weight loss success. It is tough for me to go out, I just slipped into the 300s,but before then the world had  no place for me .It’s taken me a little to get use to starting to fit in.  I literally didn’t fit in this world. There are things you probably don’t even think about if you were never morbidly obese. even parking spaces are so close together a fat person can’t open their door wide enough to get out of their car. I have actually had to wait, sitting on the tailgate of my Tahoe while someone came back out to their car to leave a parking lot. It’s embarrassing! And don’t even start about restaurant booths. Most fat folks check that out before they go, and often go to a restaurant when they are less busy for that purpose. These are the things that roll around in our heads when we consider going out, and it takes bravery to take a chance. We have all been humiliated by our size.  This is only one tiny thing a fat person getting back into society had to deal with. But I am determined, I refuse to let my body keep me prisoner.

So today, let’s get out and be with people, call someone, reach out and build relationships, (after you track your food, first.) People need people, and I need you!