Merry Christmas everyone! I want to thank each and every one of you for all your support and encouragement this year. I am far from a perfect roll model. Sometimes I get into comparing myself with others who seem to breeze through this weight loss thing, and I can really beat myself up mentally. It baffles me how some people can just decide to lose weight and breeze through it. I am forever studying those folks and trying to find that common thread, I have yet to find it.
I have only lost 1 pound in the last 6 weeks. It’s been tough emotionally. It makes me question my ability, and if I can really ever beat this. I have tried several things to shake this up. Like, spreading out my food more evenly throughout the day, lower my carb intake, even putting a hamper in front of my bedroom door at night so I do not night-eat. Some has been effective, some not so much. The night eating is much better. I have a friend whom I speak to every night before I go to bed, we are supporting each other through this. I never feel judgement from her, and we are painfully honest with each other. We always end the conversation in prayer, taking turns each night. I can not begin to express how much it means to me that we can pray together on the phone and have such deeply honest conversations. My friendship with Liz has been my lifeline.
I went to church last night with my friends Ken and Linda. It was good. I’m having a big struggle with all the changes in the world ever since I started getting out and about. My church has always been an anchor I believe I could rely on. But time has changed all of that, I feel insignificant and invisible. I have been very critical and sometimes sarcastic regarding the changes in the church these days. Some people take pride in their sarcastic humor, but its a very bad sigh when I get that way, even tho sometimes it can be very funny, it is usually deep pain coming out of me sideways. I kept my expectations and critical spirit in check last night and I ended up actually enjoying the service. I prayed that God would give me a sweet spirit and let all that irritated me roll off my back. It was really hard to do at first, but I left the service with a grateful heart. Ken and Linda came over afterwards and we had oyster stew.
I was invited to my friend, Juli’s house for brunch today, but the weather was really weird. It was down poring and thundering, on Christmas Day! In Nebraska no less! That’s a first. I was really worried about the drive over there and possible ice, Catastrophizing things as I do, (one of my many character defects) I visualized myself in a ditch alone on Christmas morning with no one to pull me out, so I stayed home. Now I kinda wish I had gone, the temp never went low enough to freeze. Fear stops me from doing a lot of things. I was really beating myself up about that today, which turned into me crying and then wallowing in self pity, when my friend Liz called me. I know God whispered in her ear to call. She gently reminded me that I was ok, and I can get myself out of the weeds once again. So I did, and decided to blog and get my head sorted out.
I have been avoiding writing here because I have no good victories to share. But you know, I would rather be real, than write a blog that says only what I think people want to hear. Recovering from a life time of Morbid Obesity is messy. And it will continue to be messy. I have no instruction manual on how to do this perfectly. It’s painful, lonely, and it’s scary, and sometimes I struggle. But it is also full of hope, second chances, finding true peace, and personal growth. I have come to realize, it truly does take an army to lose over 300 pounds. But maybe, just maybe these honest posts will someday help another person who is on this path. Please don’t give up on me. The fact that I have managed to lose 157 pounds and stuck with it this long is far from failure.
I am looking forward to 2017. I believe it will be the best year ever. And it can be yours as well. Never give up on yourself. Stay strong and build an army of support around you. Then be brave enough to be “Bare Naked Honest”.
Speaking of support. Sean and I are starting our next weight loss support group on January 2. What a great way to kick off the New Year. it’s an 8 week session and the price is only $120. We offer support and accountability and the members of our groups have had great success losing weight. Here is the information if you are interested.
It’s going to be a great year! Here are the links to sign up.
Here is the link to the Monday Night group ………….http://totalkathy.com/?event=monday-night-group-january-2-2017
Here is the link to the Tuesday night group …………http://totalkathy.com/?event=tuesday-night-group-january-3-2017
Here is the link to the Tuesday One on One PREMIUM group……….http://totalkathy.com/?event=premium-group-january-2-2017-800-pm