My Mom use to call them “church hoppers”, people who went from church to church, finding fault in every church they left. I sometimes feel like a “diet Hopper”. Like almost all my friends, I do not like the word diet. Every fitness guru, famous or infamous says that, believing they are saying something new. Richard Simmons wrote a book years ago called “Never say Diet”. I’m not afraid of the word, and decided to start using it again. The definition of the word DIET is….the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats. I don’t know when it became the definition of deprivation. But it does not have to be.
So, here I am trying something new. I have stepped into the world of Intermittent Fasting. There is so much info out there about this on the internet, YouTube, and of course Podcasts. It’s very trendy right now. Like the low fat of the 80’s and 90’s, high fat in the 2000’s, this may be a fad as well. But I am willing to try anything, that is safe, to get out of “Weight Loss Purgatory”.
It’s going really well, I am only 2 days in, but It’s not too hard. I mean, you sleep half of the fast away, and I’m not much breakfast eater, so the worst part is the time before I break the fast, and the evening after my meal. I will get use to drinking black coffee in the morning. I have several folks who are supporting me through this. And I promise you I am eating a specific amount of calories each day and still posting on My Fitness Pal each day.
I am a bulk eater, so one substantial meal really appeals to me. And in the past when I have lost weight, I did a little fasting, and it was successful. But the “experts” say you need to eat breakfast, and tiny meals several times a day. I believed that and really tried. I even had a food sponsor advising me to balance all my meals through the day evenly. I hated it, and it really messed me up. I never felt satisfied, and I felt like I was playing with food all day and making too many food choices. Like going into a candy store with a penny in my pocket.
I feel pretty good, except I really struggled getting to sleep last night. I was awake the whole night. But I’m thinking this may be my body waking up, and my metabolism coming back to life. Or, just wishful thinking. we will see. I will be back next Monday to report how my week went and if the scale moved.
I really didn’t want to post this, because I wanted to show up here with a nice loss, be the hero, and have everyone look up to me for my stellar weight loss success. But honestly, this blog is about honesty! It’s about being transparent, not smug. My purpose of this blog is not to give you cute little stories and expert advice on my great successful journey, and spew all this wisdom upon you all. I fail, and I do not say that to show I relate to all the people who read this blog. I mess up, and I’m 60 years old. Time is not my friend any longer. I only know this, even if it’s embarrassing, I will never give up. I will keep trying something different if what I am doing is not working. That’s all I got.
I have had to let go of some relationships in the last year. It has been tough. But I came to realize I did not have good boundaries. I expected too much out of some people, and some relationships, were simply maintained out of obligation.
I have had some friends I love deeply choose to walk out of a relationship with me, and it tore me apart. It left me feeling inadequate, and questioned my worth. But then I thought of several friends I have choose to say good-bye to in the last couple of years, and I saw this from another point of view. Sometimes it’s ok, to just give space to yourself and those around you. It is such a big relief to let go of resentments.
Part of the problem is that I am alone far too much, and I think too much. I am slowly changing that. I have been attending church, and getting out more. its hard to admit I struggle with agoraphobia. I was in denial a very long time about this, and hid it. I have a friend who has it, and I just couldn’t understand why he couldn’t go out and live his life, but my thoughts on this are much more compassionate now. The world became too hard for me to live in, physically and socially. I created this comfortable cocoon in my home, safe from any challenges, but it’s very lonely. So, I choose to push myself every day.
I never liked it when people excused their behavior with comparing themselves to a past time of success. We all do it, I have a bad food week, after confessing it, I will always say, “but I don’t eat like I use to, and I have not gained back the weight I lost”. It’s important to see progress, look back and see how far you have come, but don’t get too comfortable there, purgatory stinks!!!! Compared to hell, it’s not so bad of a place, but Heaven is worth the extra effort!