My Plan

myplangodsplan

I have always loved this simple little illustration. If we wrote a script of how our life would take place, it would usually be a straight shot to where we want to go. I thank God for not answering some of those prayers that would have taken me in a different direction, and missed the great life lessons along the way.

When I set out to lose weight last April, I had no idea in a little over a year, I would have 145 pounds off, become a Certified Life coach, complete my Associates Degree (more about that later) lose some friendships that I thought were for a lifetime and very close to my heart, yet, make friends that have become close to my heart and are going to be with my the rest of my life. I am glad I did not know the details of the path God had chosen for me. It would have stopped my success, either with deep sadness, or anxiety as to how I was going to ever pull it off. I’m still just a bit over 1/3 of my journey to regain my health, and I trust God taking the wheel. Why? Because He has never failed me. Confused me, yes, caused me to wonder if He is there, yes, but NEVER has He failed me.

I found out last Thursday, after having my transcripts looked over, that I meet the qualifications to get my Associates Degree. WOW! It was such a great surprise! All my life I wanted to get my degree, and just never did it. I started taking classes at Western Iowa Tech after my husband died. I really struggled getting to the classes at my size, and age. I would go to the school at 6 AM, to get a decent parking place into the school. (yes 6 AM, I have a handicapped sticker, but sadly there are those who use Grandmas parking stickers and take up the handicapped parking early) I would shuffle my 500 pound body to the bench outside the building, then shuffle to the bench inside the building, then I proceed to walk to class from bench to bench until I got there. Sadly, when I was about to finish, my financing ended, and my mobility got worse so I just quit. All I needed was one hour of math or science to graduate. I had tried and failed that Algebra class several times and could not get it. But due to the mercy of God and the requirements changing, I have more than enough credits to graduate.  I am so thankful. I will be pursuing my Bachelors degree as well. I refuse to let age stop me. I’m going to get older anyhow, with or without my degree.

I just wanted to write this to encourage you. Sometimes we want to accomplish something, and we don’t even start, because we do not see how we could possibly do it. My word to you today is to just start, and let God work out the details. As long as your following your heart and passion, it will all work out. There are so many things I did not even try, due to my inability to trust, or take a chance.

I have been struggling with night eating once again. My weight has stalled a few weeks, and I kind of kept it a secret how concerned I really was. I found myself standing in front of the fridge at night, eating cottage cheese out of the carton, shoving slices of cheese in my mouth, eating a handful of saltines, and gulping down milk from the carton. not tracking them. I never binge on candy, desserts or cookies. You won’t seem me ordering fries from McDonalds. But where I struggle is the deep urge to eat at night, and I rationalize it in my head by saying it’s not unhealthy food I am eating. I finally spoke to some trusted friends, and made myself accountable. I have very dear friend, who says, “We are only as sick as our secrets”. So, I tattled on myself, it’s no longer secret. I have had a much better week, due to being a snitch on myself. I have been texting a couple of trusted friends after I close my kitchen at night, to be accountable, then texting them in the morning to report my success. I also put an obstacle, my hamper, in the doorway of my kitchen, so I would have to move it and think about what I was about to do.

I keep trying to analyze why I struggle with this. But if I did find out why, would it help? It’s that primal urge that is  the problem. Not some deep seeded issue from my childhood, that I can’t remember. Even if I knew what the trigger was, it would still flip that “URGE” switch. I think it’s the urge I have to conquer. I have explored all those reasons over a lifetime of therapy, and counseling and knowing, does nothing. If I had an urge to jump off the bridge, wouldn’t my brain be capable of stoping me? Of course it would. So, if I can stop myself from imediate physical harm, I can surely stop myself from over eating. When I tell that part of my brain to Shut up, and that it’s not the boss of me, it seems to diminish.

Here is another question I have pondered on. Why is it, I struggle to eat at night, but when I sleep, and wake up in the morning, that deep urge to eat is gone? It tells me those urges are imposters, not hunger .I don’t know why, but what I do know is when I get past the urge, and go to sleep, it always passes. So, why worry about tomorrow?

Like I said in the beginning, it’s a good thing we do not need to know the journey, the only thing we need to do is start on the right path. As my buddy Derek said last week, “Get that train out of the station”

Isn’t it interesting how we can be perfect to the letter 99% of the day with our food plan. In that 1% of the day, we can undo the last 23.9 hours! It takes me less that one minute to shove a few pieces of cheese and gulp down enough milk in the middle of the night to ruin all my hard work. I refuse to be defeated!

Have a Happy and safe 4th of July everyone!

by

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog. I am a Baby Boomer from Nebraska blogging my way to good health. I am single, with no children, I have a little white maltese dog named Lily. Follow my journey to lose 1 pound 300 times.

6 thoughts on “My Plan

    • Kathleen

      You may be right. But all my life people tell me how they can’t believe how many friends I have. I love each and every one of them. What I believe is missing is relationships, not just a man, but family.

  1. Patti M

    Thank you. I completely agree with everything you wrote. I’m going to read this at night when I want to undo the day! No rhyme or reason. Congratulations on your Degree! I appreciate you. I love the hamper idea. I put caution tape across the entry to my kitchen. Have a good week. 🙂

  2. cindi

    All I can say is wow! This was really deep, it got my gears turning. I think we all struggle with this, but seeing it in words helps me understand it a little more. I’m not sure we have to try to figure out why we have the urge to do what we want to do, we just have to learn how to manage those urges. Just like Algebra, I didn’t have to know why I had to learn the quadratic formula or even what it means, I just have to learn it and practice all the different ways to do it, to pass that stupid class that I had to take twice…lol
    I may never know and understand why I have an issue with food, but I think I am going to stop putting my time and energy into trying to figure that part out and poor all of it into managing and remolding the new me.
    Thank you for posting this, once again you have helped me. I know I haven’t been good about keeping in touch, but I am so very proud of you and I am still your biggest cheerleader, I need you to know that. I need to make time in my crazy life for people that are important to me, like you. I’m sorry and I love you girl <3

    • Kathleen

      You never ever have to apoligize! I know your life s busy these days. If you want to read further about food urges, pick up the book “brain over binge” it’s really changed my thinking about why we have such strong urges and what to do about them. Love you!

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