I have been trying to figure a way to get this scale to move! I know a lot is due to my lack of portion control. I wouldn’t eat a chocolate cake or order pizza if my life depended on it. Well, actually my life DOES depend on it. But I am pretty sure a lot of my problem is all the carbs I am eating. I’m staying within my calorie budget most days. But more than 50% of my calories are carbs.  I must get control of this. I could live on carbs alone, mostly grains. White flour! I have not made a decision yet, nor have I spoke in detail about this with my sponsor, but I must do that this week.

I remember years ago reading that the best way to find out if you are an alcoholic is to just stop drinking for a period of time. If the thought of never having another drink, or finding yourself white knuckling it when you do try to stop, you might have a problem.

I am a food addict, no doubt about that. Giving up sugar was easy. The thought of never eating cake again does not scare me. I can live forever without another candy bar. But the thought of giving up pasta and bread forever almost makes me want to cry. This alone is a pretty good sign that I need to get a handle on my trigger food. Namely white flour. I am not so sure about whole wheat, and other grains, I have a tendency to go overboard on substitutes. So I may have to put some boundaries on all grains. I need to do some deep soul searching regarding  this decision. I’ll keep you posted.

Another thing I need to address is exercise. It’s almost a comedy when I speak of my plans to go to the Y and sign up. I haven’t yet, and I have used every excuse known to man avoiding it. Yes it is expensive, yes, they want all financial paperwork and my first born child to see if I qualify for a discount based on my income. I have run out of excuses, I now have all the paper work needed, and Thanksgiving is over so I have no more excuses. I will get to the Y this week.

I don’t know why I hate exercise so much. I always have. The only thing I ever did consistently was those videos of Richard Simmons and walking at the mall. In order to increase my mobility and strengthen muscles that have not been in use for years will require some pain, sweat and moments of becoming breathless. It’s the breathless part that I hate the most. Just walking from my car to the front door of the Y is exhausting for me. I am extremely embarrassed about that. I feel so much shame when people see me struggling to breath just because I walked 40 or 50 feet. But I must, so I will. I pray I can meet someone or have a friend that will do this with me. It would make it so much better. I am so tired of doing every little thing in my life alone.

It has been a tough week. I think I have cried more this week than the entire year. Although I had two invitations to spend Thanksgiving with friends, I declined. I just didn’t want to deal with the food. And honestly, seeing others with their happy families and knowing I don’t have anyone that loves me like family makes it worse sometimes. How did I ever get in this situation? I’ll tell you how, one little bad choice after another, over time. How will I get out of this situation? One little good choice after another at a time.

I entertained the thought of just giving up this week. I was losing faith in myself. I wondered if I was just a dreamer to believe I could lose this much weight and become independent and self sufficient at my age once again. But what choice do I have? And wouldn’t it be a shame to stop now? These are the pivotal moments in our lives. Every great moment or big accomplishment at one point or another comes to this very crossroad.

So here I am, 155 pounds lost, and at least that many more pounds to go. I’m at that place when I am almost at the top of that mountain, but not high enough to see the view quite yet. Hang with me folks. It is still a bumpy ride, but I’m here for the long haul.


Thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog. I am a Baby Boomer from Nebraska blogging my way to good health. I am single, with no children, I have a little white maltese dog named Lily. Follow my journey to lose 1 pound 300 times.

12 thoughts on “CARBS!!!

  1. I’m sure you already heard Dr Lerner’s description of white flour: slow release sugar. :-O

    When I gave up sugar and starches I learned to make “transition foods”. Things that were sorta like the foods I had all my life, but didn’t have the physical impact on me, since there was no sugar or grains/starches/flours in them. IF you decide this is something you might be interested in, I can send you links to simple non-flour, non-sugar substitute recipes. They helped me see I could do this for life. I don’t do them every day now, but they sure helped a LOT in the beginning. Just holler if interested. (then again, you may be already on top of it!). 🙂

      • Let’s see… I have several on the right hand column of my blog, down under Low Carb Recipes and Info:

        One of my favorites is DJ’s. He’s a chef who got up to 352 lbs, got sick and tired of being sick and tired; learned how to cook sugar-free/low carb, lost wt, and is sharing recipes for free on his site that he actually uses. I appreciate that they are real, tested, and not overly hard! LOVE the minute muffins, made in the MW.

        Here is his story:

        And here are his recipes:

        One thing I missed a lot were sandwiches. So I appreciated recipes like this one:

        Tip: I always scroll thru comments under a recipe; usually lots of hints and variations.

        Another site I adore is the FB page Low Carbing Among Friends. Lisa is an online friend of many years, and I got to have one of my recipes published in their first book. It was fun. They do sell cookbooks (I have 3!) BUT they also generously share many many recipes on the FB page.

        If you have something particular in mind, I might know where to find the recipe. Maybe, ha ha!

        Hope this helps. Big hugs to you!! By the way, what you said about crossroads… that is where I found myself this last week, too. I’m glad you are continuing. Me too.

  2. Hi Kathy – my heart goes out to you as we share similar backgrounds. What helped me stop fighting food (even carbs) and start loving life regardless of the number on the scale (which is NOT the same as fat serenity) was a thing called Intuitive Eating. It works by addressing our limiting beliefs and firing the ‘food police’ of good/bad right/wrong should/shouldn’t. Sean knows me so feel free to touch bases if you want.

    • Kathleen

      Thanks Kim! That is wonderful that you found help through intuitive eating. I’ve done a lot of research on that and tried it. I found it helped somewhat. Thanks for the suport!

  3. Caron

    You’ve heard it over and over and you know it by heart, but consistency is key — not perfection like I used to expect of myself. Losing 155 pounds is no easy feat, and I commend you for it. I also encourage you to just keep taking one more step and dealing with one day at a time. You are inspiring. 🙂

    • Kathleen

      Thanks for the suport. This is sure something that requires a lot of it. But I guess that’s how it’s susepose to be, and we encourage each other along the way! Blessings!

  4. Keith Marrinan

    Well Kathy here I am finally! The title CARBS got my attention. It’s been the first entry I’ve read that you’ve written. I figured when the students ready the teacher will appear as with most things. My doctor told me I was borderline diabetic & to do the weight watcher program I know so well. For years I haven’t had white flour in my house. I don’t buy it. Even when I’m not “dieting.” The thing is when I’m not dieting I eat out all the time and there has lied my problem. On again off again for years! She said if it wasn’t for the not buying white flour products all these years I would have more than likely developed diabetes a long time ago. Anyway here I am a little over 11 pounds lost in the last four weeks one day at a time, 1 pound at a time.

    • Kathleen

      Well, Keith. You are far from alone. This “lifetime” journey we are on continues. There is no arrival in this battle, only progress. Our past attempts are part of what got us this far. So don’t be disheartened, there is plenty of hope and time to get where we are going. Consistency is key, intensity loses steam and rarely last for any duration. I would like to suport you any way I can. I love you my long time friend❤️

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *