4 pounds down!

I broke my long 3 month plateau. I lost 4 pounds this week. I’m telling ya, I was losing faith in myself.  But the biggest think I learned about myself in this long 3 months, is that the little things count. I know, I know, I know! Weighing and measuring my food, drinking water and exercise only count when we do it daily. I thought I was doing pretty good, but in reality, I was cutting a lot of corners. Is all it takes is a few extra pieces of cheese stuffed in your mouth while you are cooking, and all that tasting, and you can quickly eat 500-1000 extra calories before you even get to the meal. When I cook I often fudge on the portion. Something that is meant to be 8 servings suddenly becomes 4. I almost wish I could say I ate a chocolate cake or drove through Dairy Queen, but that stuff isn’t my biggest problem, it’s the bites and licks, and nibbling in front of the fridge at 2 AM.

I’m not a big salad eater. But I ate salad. I had all the stuff on hand, but it takes time to make a good salad. I have to drag out of the fridge a little baggie this and that, wrap back up the rest of the avocado, tomato and red onion. And once you are committed to having the stuff for a salad on hand, you have to commit to eating it more than once. But there is something therapeutic about chopping the veggies, weighting the amounts, and assembling this masterpiece. It’s self care, and slows you down a bit to really enjoy what you are eating. And after you finish eating, there is no guilt. It also takes longer to eat a salad than to wolf down a cheeseburger.

I now weight 378 pounds! I have a 159 pound loss. I’m still bigger than that football player years ago that was nicknamed “The Refrigerator”. Few woman would confess this. It’s not very feminine. But I’m trying to save my life here, not trying to fit into a pretty dress. I just want to have the stamina to shop at the mall again, go out with friends, and not be in constant pain. I need to say the number, I need to break through the shame that that number can bring if I let it be my identity. Secrets keep us sick.

Thursday is the 16th anniversary of my Moms death. I’m pretty sure I will be the only one who remembers. I miss her. No one has ever loved me that much since she passed. My relationship with my Mom was not always healthy. I have yet to know someone who has not had a little bit of disfunction in their relationship with their parents. But we came full circle. By the time she passes we were in a good place. My Mom had trouble letting me grow up. Probably because she was not all grown us either. She was sometimes emotionally needy. But she was a giver, and loved deeply. And she genuinely loved everyone. If you were her friend, you were friends for life. You never left her house without a gift. She loved giving gifts. One of the most beautiful things I remember about her ability to give, was a breakfast we had in a Hardee’s down the street from my Beauty shop. It was a cold winter day, My mother was a very brittle diabetic and the cold was so painful for her. But that day, she saw a lady come in with ragged clothing and no coat. When we were ready to leave, she went to the counter, gave the employee her coat, and told her to give it to the lady after we were gone. It was a personal sacrifice, but she did it with so much grace, and without tooting her own horn. The woman’s dignity was important to her.

I use to attend Weight Watchers, she was my biggest supporter. When I got my first cell phone I would call her after that Saturday morning weight in and report my loss. She and my father loved to go out to breakfast on Saturdays with Bert and Gerry, two of their closest friends. She would immediately convey my loss, and they would all celebrate while I heard on the phone. Oh how I miss being cared for and loved that much! Today, had she been alive, I would have immediately called her, and she would have been thrilled. She never ever gave up on me. Never!

God doesn’t give up on us either. Success is not measured when the road is easy, but when we blindly move forward and trust, regardless of how many times we stumble and fall.

 

 

by

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog. I am a Baby Boomer from Nebraska blogging my way to good health. I am single, with no children, I have a little white maltese dog named Lily. Follow my journey to lose 1 pound 300 times.

14 thoughts on “4 pounds down!

  1. Debbie Grulke

    Atta Girl, Kathy!!! You are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses with your mother leading the chorus from heaven. She is saying “That’s my girl and I still to this day love her so and am so very proud of her!!!” Look at what she has done!!!! We earthly angels join in that chorus and congratulate you on fighting the good fight of faith. You are a giver, just like your precious Momma. You wrap your warm coat of love, compassion and care around each and everyone of us that was graced to come in contact with you. Something tells me there is no stopping you now. You have broken through your testing grounds, have new marching orders and will run this race with perseverance till you see the finish line. God is not through with you yet our beautiful and precious gem. Press on towards the prize of the High calling in Jesus Christ. May He be glorified through you life. Keep going girl, God’s got you AND this!!! You make your Momma proud!!!

  2. Kat

    I’m so happy for you Kathy! You worked hard and allowed yourself to receive more support. I can relate to so much here in this post! Especially the part about being bigger than the football players. Being over 6′, I am never going to be petite. Congratulations on starting the year off with an awesome loss!

  3. Caron

    Great post and great work on getting closer to your goal.

    Yep, those BLT’s (bites, licks and tastes) as Weight Watcher’s calls them can really slow down our progress. Sometimes I chew gum while cooking. That also works in places like Costco where you can eat a meal in delicious samples.

    Keep up the progress. 🙂

  4. Beth

    Awesome Kathy !!! Your letter is written with so much joy!! Good to hear! God has taught you many things during this plateau as He will continue to!! I have a prayer request I would like to share with you. I went to a women’s bible study last night. A lady was there who just lost her husband in August. She had been hibernating and grieving her loss since by herself. She walked out early but I followed her out. She was was crying. I held held her and she began sobbing. She is so lonely and afraid. We are going to exchange phone numbers next week and make a time to go for coffee. Please pray for this lady. I told her I too suffer with depression, live alone and have lost a marriage. I can relate to the pain. I ask you pray for Patti and myself. I want to be there for her. It’s s commitment I know the Lord will help me “keep”. (Not right word but best I can come up with). It’s not easy to being depressed and an introvert to reach out all the time. But I want to in my heart and soul to this lady. For that matter I have been asking God for woman friends. Guess on my dumbness he has given me one!! A ahh moment! Anyway please pray for her and for my commitment to her to pray and be a good friend!

  5. Congratulations on breaking that stall! You rock!!

    Thanks so much for sharing about your mother. She sounds like she was just a beautiful person, much like her daughter 🙂

  6. Heather

    Hi Kathy. Thanks for sharing about your Mom. I lost my father 41 years ago and I think of him and miss him everyday. I was always heavy, but never this heavy, and he always wanted me to lose the weight so I felt good. He would be so proud of me when I lose a few pounds. I’ve struggled all these years. Things are finally starting to stick though, as to what I need to do. I know how to lose the weight. I just need to make it happen. No one can do it for me! Life totally sucks sometimes, but that doesn’t give us a good excuse to not look after ourselves.

    Congratulations on the 4 pounds. A pound is a pound is a pound!!! Take them when they are rewarded for your hard work. Yes, you may still weight 300 and something but you’re a long way from where you were. You will get there, one day at a time, with hard work and determination.

    BTW … I’ve found your blog on Sean’s page and follow along on MFP.

    Take care Kathy and keep up the good work. You are so worth it!

    • Kathleen

      Hi Heather! Thanks for the words of encouragement. Your share regarding your Dad and how you miss him and how much he cared about your health rings true with me as well. My Mom saw me lose 200 pounds in the 90s and loved all the experiences traveling with Richard Simmons doing TV commercials and talk shows. She died when I was starting to gain back the weight. She was my best cheerleader when I was losing, I sure miss that now. But we have to move on. Sean is very inspirational that’s for sure! Thanks again for the sweet message, hope you are well!

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