You all know how I have given this last week 110%. So when I stepped on the scale and it said 1 pound down, I wanted to cry. I know, I know, one pound is progress, and if anyone else would tell me they lose a pound I’d have 1000 supportive things to say. But you know, we are hardest on ourselves. I am lowering my calories from 1600 to 1400 this week. I don’t think that is outrageous. 1600 was a bit high, so I will step into this week, with hope in my heart and I will never give up! NEVER!
I am making bath bombs today. Until I start working again, I try to make things to make a little bit of extra money. I’m getting better at making these things, they are a bit tricky. They are $5 each if you want some. They smell like citrus and vanilla, or dreamsicles! They don’t ship very well, so you will have to pick them up. They have embeds in them, so they spin and fizz in your tub and spit out beautiful neon colors. Great Mother’s Day gift. They are all individually shrink wrapped. (I’m so fancy)
I notice I am less depressed when I am productive and creative. I think we all have a core purpose and gift within us that fills us up and lifts our spirits. It’s a human need to have a purpose and to belong. I think when I was in bed all those years depressed and over 500 pounds I did not have either of those things. I still long for that belonging part. Over my lifetime I have searched for this. When my parents and husband died I was alone, it was so hard. I bounced and bounced from friend to friend to take me in as family. People were polite, and filled a lot of holidays and gaps in my life, but there is always a line drawn between blood and water, always. I feel kinda foolish now as I look back, how needy I acted, assuming I was truly family. I scared off a lot of friend with my neediness. Now I’m not disrespecting any of my friends. But when you have no family, there is simply no replacement. I put way to high expectations on my friends.
Some people have family and still don’t have a sense of belonging. That is why my relationship with God is so important to me. It’s not just all I have to hold onto in this world, it’s the best thing to hold onto. Just the fact that I am alive is a shear miracle. This alone validates that I am loved, cared for and have a purpose.
Blessing to you everyone!