Mentors, Friends, and Forgiveness

I had a long talk with my accountability buddy about my food. He took the time to really look at my food over the last few weeks, and from a non-judgemental perspective, talked it all over with me. Never, in my entire life, has anyone ever done that with me, consistently. I didn’t feel judged, or picked on, I did not not feel controlled. I know he took a deeply honest look at my food, and worked with me. Because of this I did not get defensive or  hide in shame about something I have eaten.  He understands I am sick, a food addict, and knows I am not one to make excuses because I WANT to get well, and willing to work at it. It created a path for me to be open and not defensive. I am willing to try harder, because I know he knows what he’s taking about. He lives it, and is very open about his own plan. I can see at any time exactly what he is eating on his My Fitness Pal food diary, like me, he has it open and is consistent with posting it. This sets a good example, and proves his integrity, I trust him. I hope some day I can pay this forward.

He has had tremendous success. He has lost 230 pounds in less than a year! We started at the exact same weight, both 537 pounds. He’s a foot taller then me, but that’s beside the point. He gets me. and lives it, and does not share endless antidotes, with underline meaning.  I never feel talked down to.  It’s hard enough to hold on to your dignity and yet be open, it’s so important for me to have someone who is transparent with me on every level. This is the kind of person I attain to be. These are the things that make or break us.

We decided to lower my calories from 1600 to 1400, watch my sodium intake, and lower the carbs. Now if you are saying what I would have said a few years ago like “I don’t want to live married to planning, weighing and obsessing about food. I can’t be that ridged. I want peace with food so I can eat the appropriate amount and stop naturally.” I use to joke about those who were so detailed about their food plan, saying they switched addictions from eating too much food to obsessing about what they are eating, and used it to call attention to themselves. I was WRONG on every level.

But, what I have learned from this generous friend is, It won’t always be this way. Right now its a lot of busy work. Tracking, counting, and weighing, shopping and planning. But in time it will have the opposite effect. I take 10 minutes in the morning or the night before, to plan my food. We tend to repeat things we eat anyway, and MFP remembers this so the searches just appear as if it can read my mind. And, I find I am not thinking about what I am going to eat several times a day or get side tracked. It FREEs my time. I have the time currently in my life to get this worked out, but soon I won’t when I am working again. This will make that process easier. I am carving out a path of self care for a lifetime.

I think for me, eating 3 meals a day instead of several small meals and snacks, keeps me from making so many food decisions and temptations to dig around in the kitchen and finding a snack.

I just wanted to say, when we honestly seek help, it comes in many unexpected ways. It always comes when we take acton to seek it. In fact it requires action. You can’t learn to ride a bike by watching someone ride. You have to get on it. And yes, you will fall. Some people walk you all the way through life, some are temporary teachers. Some are catalyst to open up new doors to new people. Some are teachers for what we should avoid or not do. But everyone had a purpose in our lives. I am someone who makes friends for life, I have walked away from very few friendships. But sometimes in my most crazy moments I can chase people I love away. I’ve made some misjudgments assuming I meant as much to some people as they did to me. It hurts, friendship are extra valuable to someone who has no or little family. Sometimes that makes me a little clingy or put too high of expectations on friends. But I forgive them all. And when the resentment creeps its way back up, I pray for them. Praying for someone is a powerful way to crumble resentments.

I lost some friendships over the last few years that meant a great deal to me. I was an awful, needy, pathetic mess, striped of my dignity several years ago. I was hard to love. I also said things I regret.  Sometimes when we lose our self respect, we lose the respect of those around us as well.  Some people can’t watch this, but I was deeply hurt. Rejection is so painful.  I’m still baffled a bit, wounded and feeling abandoned. I probably will always feel a little of that. I wallowed around in self pity for years, and let myself become a victim, in order to shame them for what they did to me. I gained an obscene amount of weight.  But we have no control over how people treat us, or their commitment to our friendship. When we recover it can teaches us so much. I am a bit guarded to let people in too deeply these days, but boundaries are a good thing to learn. I did a lot of oversharing in my past. This is not a lesson in closing down and shutting people out, but a huge education on how to be a good friend. Even the worst experiences we have in our lives are valuable teachers.

Accept your friends for who they are, believe in them but don’t set high expectations on them that they can’t live up to. Most of all take deep care of those few who get you, and love you just as you are, flaws and all. Those are the true jewels of life, they come far and few between. They are God’s kisses to us. Walk out of being the victim, forgive and love. Sometimes the resentments we carry are far heavier than any amount we may weigh. It’s all connected. I let go of my resentments and the weight loss followed. Blessings to you all!

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Thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog. I am a Baby Boomer from Nebraska blogging my way to good health. I am single, with no children, I have a little white maltese dog named Lily. Follow my journey to lose 1 pound 300 times.

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