I have been noticing how my drive to eat large amounts has been changing. I use to eat massive portions. When I started really watching what I was eating, I would try to find ways to extend my portions mostly with tons of vegetables. I like the way it got me to eat my veggies, but I just don’t seem to have quite the drive to eat so much. In fact, times when I have eaten a large portion, I don’t like that stuffed feeling. I never use to feel full, and I rarely let myself get truly hungry. I have to freeze most of the bread I buy and thaw in the toaster or it gets moldy. My food is lasting longer, the huge tubs of sour cream I use to buy goes bad before I can even eat 1/4 of it.
Now this is not all the time, believe me I still struggle. But I have noticed how satisfied I feel when I eat, instead of stuffing myself. Could this be a sign that I am changing on the inside? Am I losing the fat in my head? I hope so, but meanwhile I will still stay on my toes. That slippery slope to Bingeland happens fast. Like when you are walking alone and hit an ice patch and BOOM, your on the ground, without even remembering how you slipped. If not nipped in the bud right away, it gets away from you. Once down, it takes Herculean power to get your mojo back.
That’s why I fear letting myself have a cheat day. I’m planning on staying on track for Thanksgiving. I can eat the turkey, maybe a small portion of mashed potatoes, and a vegetable. I’m not a big sweets fan, so as long as I don’t start I’m good. But eating a huge meal is not worth it for me. I realize everyone is different, but I have seen so many people who take a day off like Thanksgiving and never really recover. Some do, but I it’s just not worth it for me.
I have to make food a non-issue in my life. Having a day where I stuff myself when I have lost so much weight this year, seems redundant to me. I am certain where ever I end up this Thanksgiving, the amount I consume will make no difference as to how I enjoy the people I am with.
This winter is going to be a metamorphosis time for me. The next 50-100 pounds off and my whole world will be different. My mobility will greatly increase and I won’t be a prisoner to my home. Altho I will always be grateful for the refuge my home has been to me. It is the only thing in my life that has remained. My home is very important to me. It has been a constant friend when I felt alone and scared.
I’m looking forward to being free from this cumbersome body I carry around. It’s not only exhausting physically, it is always something I have to consider all the time whatever I do. I’m so happy to have a vision of the freedom that is around the corner.