Life is Hard

I have to be honest here, the week has been really hard. I do not write this to gain any sympathy. Do not feel sorry for me. I will be fine, I will be more than fine, I will be whole. Hard is not bad. hard, is just…well, hard, and sometimes you can not avoid it. I have no family, none. No family to spend holidays with. It’s hard, but I am not the only person on the planet in this situation. It also does not mean that its forever. This deep loneliness and isolation has an end.

It seems to me when we make great accomplishments or gain great stride, we have to go through the fire to get there. I am going through the fire right now, and it’s not pretty. It is the hardest thing I have ever been through. I have cried buckets of tears this week, grieving losses, by either death or just friends who have fallen by the wayside. Some losses were my responsibility from making bad choices, some were just life, and some were just human conflict. The loneliness has been deeper than I ever thought loneliness could be. But I am surviving it, and not hiding in fear.

I have been let down by many whom I trusted like family, but one choice I have not made this year, is letting myself down. The payoff from that is huge. I have a very long way to go with my weight loss. At least 200 pounds, but each pound is slowly making me stronger, physically and emotionaly. I am learning volumes about myself with every pound that I lose. I have given myself back the gift of self respect. I never put much value on my self respect until I gave it away.

Arrogance and self respect are 2 different animals. Arrogance demands validation and to be noticed. Real arrogance is insecurity wrapped in a pretty package. Self respect needs no validation. Self respect knows it’s value already, and is grateful. Self respect frees us to serve and love each other because we are no longer emotionally needy. There is great contentment in gaining your self respect. Contentment trumps happiness because it is not fleeting.

The good thing is, I am surviving it! I am alive, I got up this morning, I have eaten healthy all week. I am making progress, and the sacrifices are soon to pay off huge dividends. I am not perfect, and I am learning along the way. Unlike many times when I have proclaimed that I was not perfect to excuse my lack of effort, my imperfections are all teachers for me. I value my imperfection. I take each stumble and flaw and embrace it, examining what I could learn from each experience.

So what am I thankful for this Thanksgiving, when most answer their family and loved ones? I am thankful for my imperfections, I am grateful for self respect, and I am mostly grateful that life is hard. All of these lessons are gifts from God. Blessings to all of you!

by

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog. I am a Baby Boomer from Nebraska blogging my way to good health. I am single, with no children, I have a little white maltese dog named Lily. Follow my journey to lose 1 pound 300 times.

10 thoughts on “Life is Hard

  1. Deb

    Kathy, powerful journaling. I was so impressed with your words….

    I have given myself back the gift of self respect. I never put much value on my self respect until I gave it away.

    Those words are very reflective of the path you are on that leads you descovery and success… You have taken a life challenge.. I’m excited for you.
    I’m here if you need me.

  2. Debbie Grulke

    Wow, this in an incredible therapy session all wrapped up in a raw and beautiful post. I am amazed at the depth of your thinking and reasoning. Maybe because you are alone, you have this gift called time to ponder the deeper things, listen to the Holy Spirit and be led by the Lover of your soul, Jesus Christ. God is doing some amazing things in this “set apart” time right now and others are gleaning your musings as to how this whole “weight loss journey” plays out…the good, the bad and the ugly. You are giving a voice to your feelings, actually feeling them, talking to them, and showing them who is boss. Good job, sister! You are not alone, you have God Almighty by your side, Jesus Christ as your Savior and the Holy Spirit as your guide. You need no pills, potions, shakes or programs. You are living life to the fullest and winning a battle that was won at Calvary. Lead on, dear one, others are watching. You are making a believer out of me!!! One pound at a time!

    • Kathleen

      Thank you Sean. You have quickly become a cherished friend. You kind words on your blog today really touched me. I love being your friend!

    • Kathleen

      Thanks Debbie for the sweet comment. It all comes down to our relationship with God, doesn’t it? I do think all my alone time gives me more ability to think, but mostly it forces me to listen to those whispers from God. I have been physically forced to sit still and listen. Life can get so busy we forget to listen. My loneliness has been turned into a continual conversation with God. Blessings my friend!

  3. This is an incredibly important post. Wow. Kathleen, powerful. This is a soul cleansing read. What you’re doing each and every day is monumentally important. It goes far beyond the food and individual elements of accountability and support–those are important, yes– but what you’re doing is a deeper exploration.
    It’s like building a bridge across an ocean bay. The deep under water work is critical/imperative for the strength of the bridge. The bridge will face the ferociousness of the ocean waters, the winds of hurricanes, the weight of life events, ever changing–crossing over—and if it’s to stand strong, it must have a solid foundation–the deep underwater work, is the most important. You’re building a bridge, Kathleen, every time you bravely open up and explore and share. You’re giving a gift, first to yourself–and secondly–to anyone reading your powerful words.

  4. deb

    I am struggling this holiday season – it is hard. Thank you for the reminder that none of us are alone as long as we are willing to share our feelings.

    I am searching to find my self respect, to find my fundamental principles, and figure out who I am! Ugh, it’s not easy, but I do believe it will be worth it.

    take care!

    • Kathleen

      You are so far from alone, my friend. Every day of my journey is different. Self respect is hard to get back once you gave it away, but it’s absoutely possible. And when you do get it back, you will guard and cherish it like you never have before.

  5. Raqual

    “I never put much value on my self respect until I gave it away”. Isn’t that such a true true thing and the worst bit is half the time we don’t even realise we have given it away until we already have. All power to you for taking it back.
    Thanks for sharing both your struggles and triumphs. Your writing is a special gift for all who are blessed enough to come across your blog from anywhere in the world.

    • Kathleen

      Raqual, It’s one of the toughest things I can do it reclaim my self respect, and then keeping it. It’s so easy to sell yourself off for something that brings immediate gratification. But the most cherished things in our lives are the things we came in with that we hold dear. Our ability to love, and receive love, self respect, and integrity. Those virtues are ours alone, and the better we take care of them the more fulfillment our life brings. They are the tools we need to live well. Thank you for your sweet comment, and for reading. I enjoy or friendship! Blessings!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *