Today is a gigantic food day for this country. I’m not a football fan so I will be staying home and watch Downton Abby. My family was not football watchers, other than rooting on our beloved Nebraska Corn Huskers. That was more about home state pride than the actual game of football. So I did not really grow up with it like some of you might have.
Lots of food being eaten today. I like football party food, I like all food, but even if I was at a party I probably wouldn’t be too tempted to over eat. Maybe a little, but nothing like the struggle I have had alone in my house. My obesity is not because of the food I have eaten at parties, or gatherings. I am a secret closet eater. I always was. In fact, I would go to parties, eat like a bird, and then go binge afterwards. I am not proud of that. It just is my pattern.
Food has always been my companion, or my surrogate soulmate. It has always been a substitute for that emptiness deep inside of me. Isolation is what got me here. And at first, it was isolation by choice. I could not wait to get home, cook a bunch of food, and eat my way into oblivion in front of the TV. But after I got deep into my addiction to food, I had locked myself physically into isolation, with no way out. I created a world of self destruction alone, all by myself. I became a prisoner in my own home.
I love people, I long to be with people, but I also fight the urger to isolate. Even though I am not abusing my body anymore with food, I still struggle to free myself from isolation. I don’t know if it’s just a habit, or fear, probably a little of both. Honestly, that is the hurdle I am struggling to jump over these days. I do get out more these days. But still struggle to go out very often. And I do not fully understand it. I hate it when people tell me, to just go out. Go visit a friend or shop. I actually get angry about it. I suppose because I feel misunderstood. Getting ready, and going anywhere takes time for me. showers are still a lot of work. dressing is even more. It’s much better these days. Much, MUCH better. But still not something I can do spontaneously. I am taking baby steps, but it will take some time.
Once I do get out, I am almost giddy when I get to be with people. I am so happy to be climbing out of this life of isolation. I am looking forward to working again this year, and having a social life again. I have a new appreciation for the simple things in life that many take for granted.
I believe in the near future this change will increase. Spring will make a world of difference. I am ready to push myself out of my comfort zone to get back in to living again.
Another 6-8 weeks and it will be Spring. I have a feeling this will be the best Spring ever! Blessings everyone!