Full Definition of hope HOPE
1: to cherish a desire with anticipation <hopes for a promotion>
2: archaic : trust
1: to desire with expectation of obtainment
2: to expect with confidence : trust
hope against hope: to hope without any basis for expecting fulfillment
I have been on a 2 week plateau. I stepped on the scale this morning, and I am still stuck! Oh I have not given up hope. I’ve been down this road before. It’s just frustrating, because sometimes no matter what, things don’t always go the way we want it to.
What does no good is to sit and whine, and blame every list of excuses most people do when they are on a plateau. Some are legitimate excuses, but some are simply excuses. I have talked to so many people who ramble on and on about why the scale does not move, yet they remain a victim to their circumstances. Wanting change, without changing. And refusing to fes up to the fact that they may be eating too much, or becoming a bit sloppy when their food plan. Why is it so hard to own it? Swallow that pride and admit you need to change something.
The time most people give up and throw in the towel is usually after or during a plateau. And it’s not a black and white decision. It’s usually done with one extra snack, one indulgent meal, then day, then weeks, and then you avoid the scale so you won’t see the damage you have allowed to happen.
I have hope I will see results on the scale very soon. Why? Because I will not play the blame game, or roll over and be the victim. I can’t afford to do that, because that is death for me. I am cinching up my food choices, shaking things up a bit, increase my water intake, and hang onto that hope.
I really struggle with night time eating. I always have, even when I was a child living with my parents. I use to quietly sneak into the kitchen late at night and eat. I can still hear my Mother calling my name from her bedroom in the middle of the night when I would do this. I am guessing this is a combination of a bad habit, and a hungry heart, that I am trying to fill with food.
The shame I feel from this is sometimes more than I can bear. Even as I type this, my eyes are filling with tears. It is humiliating to share this, but hiding in shame is so much worse. I want to be a hero, and straight shoot this weight loss. But I am human. Once we tell our secrets, and free ourselves from the guilt and shame, then these are the healing, life changing moments that turn hope into reality.
I usually track my binges for the next day on MFP, I honestly do track every morsel I eat, but I do not think I am always honest with my portions. And I want to change that deep drive I have to eat in the middle of the night. It’s not belly hunger that I struggle with, it’s that dark lonely time in the night that reminds me that I am alone. Then my head fill with crazy resentments of people or things in my past. That seems to trigger a deep drive to eat.
I am working through those resentments with the help of my sponsor in my OA 12 step program. I believe those resentments are a huge part of my self destruction. It really does not take much to get off track, and honestly, it does not help that currently I am not physically active. But I won’t let that stop me. This week I am going to watch my food closer, track more accurately, reach out to others when I feel a struggle coming on, and hang on to the HOPE that my life really is going to change.
Some people seem to be able to get on the wagon and stay on track perfectly. I am in awe of this. But just because I have a few bumps in the road, does not mean I am a failure. One hundred and twenty five pounds in 10 months is far from faliour. Everyone has bumps, just different bumps. Success is measured by progress, not by our struggles.
I can feel empathy for anyone who honestly struggles, but I have no patients for those who are lying about want they are eating or are in denial. But those people, are the biggest teachers in my life. Because I do not want to be like that. I find dishonesty repulsive and counter productive. I will trade in humility and shame any day for being a lier.
So hang in with me, and next Tuesday when I step on the scale, you can cheer along with me in the fact that our hopes are the road to victory!