I spent a lot of time and money, seeing therapist, and reading self help books. All have been very helpful. I believe it is important to understand what makes us the way we are. I have pretty much figured out why I over eat. Some was from my childhood, some from my environment, and maybe a little bit genetic.
I believe some of these things triggered a craving deep in side of me that drove me to food. I have exhausted my efforts to understand that craving, and what deep psychological issues I need to feel, or deal with to make the craving disappear. I once believed that if I found the “issue” then somehow my cravings would magically disappear. But that’s not how it works.
Yes, you do need to understand the time ,experience or person that caused you to run to food, or whatever your vice may be. And I believe part of my success is due to that understanding. But, there was a time, I came to realize my over eating was no longer 100% due to a repressed feeling I was having at that moment. I am no longer a victim of my past experiences, I can become victorious. It is my choice.
“There is a reason why I have become this way
but that is not the reason I stay this way.”
My reaction to whatever it was that drove me to food, because a habit. A deep, deep habit that was locked tight. I have been struggling with eating at night. I am determined to work through this. I believe my eating at night at the very beginning was from a deep loneliness that would hit me in the middle of the night, so I ate to fill in that empty place in my heart. But I do not believe what triggered my eating at night today, is due to the loneliness I feel. I am single, and yes, I do get lonely at night sometimes. But I think after years of reacting to that loneliness with eating in the middle of the night has become a knee jerk reaction to, just, night time. I no longer am triggered to eat from loneliness, it has just become a habit.
For me, I focused so much on the issues, that I forgot I had developed a bad habit from the issues. Even if I am in a house full of people, night time triggers my craving much more that loneliness. Because even when I have house guests, and when I was married, I still had the cravings in the middle of the night.
Most bad habits have to be exchanged for a good habit. I have been putting a hamper in front of the doorway to the kitchen from my bedroom, so I will kind of break that fog in my head in the middle of the night. I also have a friend who struggles with the same thing, that is my accountability partner. We text at night before bed, and tell each other we are going to bed and the obstacle of our choice, mine being a hamper is in the doorway. Also, we have a pact, that when we think of eating something, we will pray for each other instead.
I have had 2 abstinent nights. My friend is having success too. I will be accountable to all who read this as well. I usually posted my night time eating on MFP for the next day, but I was not always honest about the amounts. How do you count spoons full of cottage cheese eaten while standing in front of the fridge. I know there were many nights I ate way more than I honestly fessed up to. I was lying to myself about this for a long time. I believe and rationalized my behavior. Keeping my secret to myself. But if I expect people to be honest with me, I need to be honest as well. But most of all I have to be honest with me.
Victim or Victor, which one will you be?