Hooray! I finally broke my 3 week plateau. I can not tell you how big of a deal this is for me. I was beginning to doubt my ability to ever get to a healthy weight.
It is also day 6 of abstaining from snacking late at night, and in the middle of the night. Before I get too cocky about this, I want to remember how fragile the act of losing weight is. I have had waves of night eating on and off all my life. But This is working, and I will just keep repeating what is working for today, letting tomorrow work itself out as it comes. Looking too far ahead causes me to lose focus on today. There is a sweet spot to looking ahead. It’s important to have a visual of our dreams, yet stay focused on what is right in front of us at the moment.
I have another challenge this week, and it’s bringing me a lot of anxiety. On Friday I have committed to joining the Y, and getting in the pool and water walking. I am nervous about getting in a swim suit, but not as much as the anxiety of the process of getting in the pool. I have been there before, several years ago when I had some fitness people from the Y graciously work with me one on one for a while. It did not end well, and I hold myself responsible for my lacks of staying committed. We will talk about that at a later date.
Thank God for second chances. I am anxious about walking from my Tahoe to the building, then way back into the bowels of the building to the pool. I have 2 choices here, I can whine about how stupid it is that people who are disabled (temporally) have to walk up a long sidewalk to get to the front door, then walk way to the back of the building to get in the pool, to better themselves. That would be the victim role I would take. OR, I can suck it up, trust God, lean on my friend Diane who is going with me, and take a leap of faith. I choose plan B. Because the pay off is huge! Whining is counter productive.
After losing 128 pounds at age 58, my skin is getting pretty loose, and my muscle tone is not very good from the lethargic life I have led the last 10 years or so. I am a bit ashamed at how I have treated and abused the beautiful, functional, body God has blessed me with. My body deserved more respect than I have given it. I am grateful for the grace God has given me in-spite of my irresponsibility. I am committed to honor this gift the rest of my living days.
I have spent years in the beauty business. Cutting hair and fixing people up to look their best. All while I let myself deteriorate. It’s kind of an oxymoron. And as I packed on the pounds it got harder and harder to do my job. Not just physically standing there, but emotionally. It was hard to really care how long someone’s bangs are or hear people ramble on about their split ends, when I was abusing myself so badly. It seemed so much easier to take care of everyone else, including my dog, much more than myself. And it all caught up with me. Soon, I lost my ability to take care of anyone let alone myself. So I just shut down, thinking my life had no purpose, value or future.
I have learned it is not selfish to take care of yourself. It’s not selfish to love who you are and see the potential you have, and believe there is something great ahead. It is bad if you are doing that at the cost of others or you think you are better than anyone else. But that was not my case, I simply saw myself always at the back of the line, or sometimes, not even in the line.
Today is so different. And to be honest, it is less selfish to take care of myself. I have much to offer, and not using the gifts God has given me to share with the world is selfish. We all carry a special gift, individual to all of us. It is meant to be shared. if we do not take care of ourselves, we are robbing ourselves and the world of something that only you can give. Blessings everyone!