Pain or Regret?

 

motivational-quotes-pain-makes-you-stronger

Today I am in a lot of pain. I have been going to the Y and getting in the pool Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It took more courage that I could say to get there the first time. I like the water, I love being in the pool. It is is the only time in many years that I do not feel the pain and pressure on my joints. But getting there is another story.

It is a big process to get in that pool three times a week. First of all, putting on a swim suit is an aerobic experience in its self. I am grateful for my friend Pat, who helps me get dressed. She will never know what a lifesaver she has been in my life. Putting on something made of Lycra is not easy for a chubby chick. Then I put on my aqua shoes, which have toes in them, and takes some doing to put on. I feel more secure using them. So they are worth the trouble. Then I get in my Tahoe and drive the 10 blocks to the Y. It is a beautiful new facility. People are very nice there, I never feel judged, only respected.

The walk to get to the pool is by far the hardest thing I do all week. I use handicapped parking, I am grateful for that. But the walk up to the door is quite a distance. No one would really notice, but it is a slight incline. I am winded and sometimes have to sit on a retaining wall for a bit half way to the door. Once I get in the door, I sit in the waiting area to catch my breath. Then I proceed to the pool, I hope the person behind the desk will see me quick, so I do not have to stand very long to check in. Then I start my walk through the longest hallway I have ever seen. (OK, not really, but It seems long to me) I can walk to to the end of the hall, and go into the pool, or cut through the woman dressing room, and zig zag my way. When I get to the pool, I have to walk to the furtherest place in the pool to get to the steps that are provide to walk into the pool. I sit on a bench in front of the steps, and bravely remove my cover up. Once I am in the water, with my friend Diana, I realize that it is all worth it.

Ryan, the lifeguard is awesome. it is no surprise this handsome young man is one of the managers at the Y.  He is very helpful and friendly. Ryan is a young man from a small town in Iowa, with great people skills. Honestly, having a friendly lifeguard, with a warm personality, that never intimidates, could make or break my experience. I am grateful for Ryan.

There is usually a handful of people in the pool, mostly older and middle age folks. No one has a perfect body, so there is no judgement. Only respect for all who bravely attend. I try to get finished and out of there by 3:00 PM, because soon, the high school swimmers arrive for practice. I think I would die if I was in the pool when they all come marching in. Is there anything more intimidating than being in my swimsuit in a pool with high school athletes also swim suits? Oh yes, one thing, getting out of a pool in all my glory, in front of a group of athletic high schoolers.

The next morning I can hardly move. But I do, and I am grateful for the pain, because I know it’s working. There is a saying “Everyone must choose one of two pains, the pain of Discipline or the pain of Regret”. I thought about this long and hard when I found it, remembering some of my regrets based on my lack of discipline. All the great years I wasted morbidly obese living an isolated life, mostly in my bed. Trust me, it is much harder to regret than experience the pain I am feeling. The pay off is worth it 1000 fold. I am so grateful that God gave me a chance to restore my health before something life threatening happened to me. I am living on grace. There are very few people over 500 pounds that are over 50 years old. I am one of the few who survived. I say this with humility and gratitude.

This is serious business to me. This is the reason I do not blog about recipes, or diets. There are many vehicles to getting weight off.  It’s the fat in my head that is my biggest battle. I believe when someone endlessly chatters about diets, food and recipes, sometimes, that is a way to avoid dealing with the real heart of the problem. Feeling the emotional pain from a dysfunctional relationship with food is hard to look at. Many will avoid feeling and talking about that at all cost.

As I continue my road to health, I hope I never forget the regret and years of isolation when almost all of my whole social life was on the phone or on on the internet. I will spend the rest of my living days, encouraging those who felt as hopeless as I. I pray as I continue losing, I never forget how close I was to losing my life or that hollow loneliness I survived.

 Be well everyone, don’t fear pain, fear regret. b8743-10727534_905114789533505_564644965_n

 

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Thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog. I am a Baby Boomer from Nebraska blogging my way to good health. I am single, with no children, I have a little white maltese dog named Lily. Follow my journey to lose 1 pound 300 times.

21 thoughts on “Pain or Regret?

  1. Sue

    I’m so proud of you, my Sister! I truly understand your struggle and rest getting to the Y and home. When my illness first struck that was me, only it didn’t “show” on the outside. I would shower, then lay on my bed drying off because I had no energy or breath left. Then I would dry off whatever still needed it and lay down. Then I would dress and rest. Drying my hair was a luxury. That was 11 years ago and when I go down today it’s not so bad, but getting from point A to B can be difficult.

    I am so happy to hear how grave you are. You talk about not having a choice and I understand that you have made good health your choice, but EVERYONE has a choice and I applause you for taking control over what you can, for CHOOSING TO LIVE❣

    I love you😘
    Sue

  2. Deb

    Keep it up! The struggle to get there will gradually get better, so the rewards will be greater. One step at a time, one day at a time. Deb

  3. Margie

    You are such an inspiration to me! I too struggle with the little things of walking and just trying to do normal things. You inspire me to try, try again and never give up! And yes, any diet out there will work. We just need to make up our minds to do whichever one we choose. But the battle in the the mind. We just need to know that we are worth whatever it takes and I think that’s where I struggle the most. I know I am loved by my husband and kids, but I just need to love myself enough. Thank you for you baring your soul to us and for just being a real person that I am enjoying getting to know better. You are a real blessing to me!

    • Kathleen

      Thanks Margie! I think there are many of us. I encourage you to step out and challange yourself physically. Ask for help, and work through it step by step. Be perfectly honest, first with yourself and then with someone you trust. A healthy food plan is part of the road to suscess, and there are many out there. Find something you can do for the rest of your life. Blessings to you, my new friend!

  4. Lori Olson

    I understand your pain. Stepping up without a curb is nearly impossible. I don’t trust my knees. The other day My friend and I went out for lunch, something I don’t often do. When I saw the curb, chose to walk to the corner and back to avoid stepping up. When I’ve gone to the pool at the YWCA, the parking lot is across the street, they put in a ramp or up 5 steps. Elevator is on the opposite side of the building, down to the private locker room, walk through the public locker room and down a hall to the pool. Several years ago they did replace the plastic steps with concrete. Reverse to leave, only legs are a bit rubber like from exercise. I shower and change there as I am usually on my way to work. Love to swim, but it’s a workout getting to the pool.

  5. Lori Olson

    I understand your pain. Stepping up without a curb is nearly impossible. I don’t trust my knees. The other day My friend and I went out for lunch, something I don’t often do. When I saw the curb, chose to walk to the corner and back to avoid stepping up. When I’ve gone to the pool at the YWCA, the parking lot is across the street, they put in a ramp or up 5 steps. Elevator is on the opposite side of the building, down to the private locker room, walk through the public locker room and down a hall to the pool. Several years ago they did replace the plastic steps with concrete. Reverse to leave, only legs are a bit rubber like from exercise. I shower and change there as I am usually on my way to work. Love to swim, but it’s a workout getting to the pool.

  6. Rose

    First.. love your pic! Your just a beautiful women!
    Second.. I love the way you write. You have such an ease at writing. I do not! This is why I don’t write often. I have so much to say and yet nothing seems to come out! LOL My mother calls is “mumble jumble!”
    I commend you for going to the Y and getting in that pool! It takes a lot of guts to do that! And all that walking to and from is going to pay off in the long run because your getting all your steps in! More steps .. more weight loss! Your on fire !

    Rosie

    • Kathleen

      Thanks Rosie. I never wrote at all untill a few years ago. I got so much teasing on line about my grammar and spelling that I was embarrassed to try. But I’m finding out its more about sharing your truth than the construction of a sentence. I’ve heard it said that a speech is easy to give when you have great knowledge of your subject. So, I just share me, after all, I know me better than anyone. Thanks for such great encouragement! Blessings!

  7. Pam

    “Feeling the emotional pain from a dysfunctional relationship with found is hard to look at.” Whew. Amen to that.
    Thank you for sharing your story and your bravery. You will never know who you touch or how much it helps. I’m glad you chose life! Pam

    • Kathleen

      Thanks Pam. God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things. I am just sharing my story, as honestly as I know how to do. Thanks for the sweet message!

  8. Alison C.

    What a great quote! Thank you for sharing that. I’ll add that the pain of regret often increases over time, while the pain of discipline decreases over time. In fact, one day that discipline may become a comfort and a joy! As long as you choose the discipline, one day at a time, you’ll get there. Again enjoying your insightful post!

  9. Raqual

    Thanks for this insight. I have never considered the pain of regret even though I have experienced it before. I just never chose to see it as a choice when decided right here, right now. I am trying to think of that now when making an immediate food or wine choice.

    It really bugs me when people put other people down for spelling or grammar on the internet. It is like they are totally missing what someone can contribute to a conversation by focusing on this. It is just picky crap rather than hearing a person. I am so glad you are rising above this.

    • Kathleen

      Thanks Raqual, it’s been something I think about too. When I have a say I go to the gym and swim, I often run through the many excuses in my head how to get out of it, then the thought of regret comes to mind. It helps make some choices a lot clearer. Take care my friend!

  10. Melissa from Australia

    I just wanted to say “good on you” for getting to the pool and working out! I admire your determination and I know that such perseverance will be rewarded. I love reading your blog – it’s nice to see photos of you too (you always look so chirpy!)

    • Kathleen

      Thanks Melissa! I am glad to hear that I am chirpy. Last year at my highest weight I was not so chirpy. There come huge pay offs with great determination. My trips to the pool are getting better, (less anxiety) But they are still very hard. But I know I have to go through it to get past it. Take care, my friend.

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