I stepped on that scale today after a stellar week, and, NOTHING. I am 6 pounds away from being under 400 pounds. I have to admit this is a HUGE let down. I can not tell you how badly I wanted to announce a nice loss today. I want to be a shiny example of suscess. I wanted to encourage and inspire all of you who read this blog. But I can only be me, and promise to always be honest. You are stuck with me, which includes my victories as well as disappointments.
I have not been under 400 pounds since I was a newlywed in 2001. I know there are some of you who can not wrap your head around being over 200 pounds, let alone 400 or 500. It’s hard to talk about it. I am ashamed I abused myself and the gift of a healthy body that God gave me.
I had a very close friend text me last week saying he believed I was very brave to be so “bare naked” honest in my blog, confessing my weight. It was a kind compliment, it meant a lot to me. I can’t begin to tell you how much my friends have supported me through this difficult journey. There are always surprises when you set out to do something life changing. My biggest suprise is some of the lifetime friends from my past, that have stepped up and really carried me through some tough times.
It’s hard to be patient, I’m getting older, and have lost a whole decade of my life being morbidly obese, staying in my bed wallowing in self pity. I am so very ashamed of that. So that is why I am so anxious to start living, I have some catching up to do. The next 50 pounds will put me back in the mainstream of life. When I was in my 30s and 40s I could function at 400 pounds, but my body just does not hold up that much weight anymore. I can feel myself getting stronger, I can now bend over and pick something off the floor without my head feeling like it is going to blow up. I can reach and itch better. (I know, TMI, but you would not believe the torture of having an itch you can’t reach) I can tell swimming is helping my circulation. I’m grateful that I did not have a lot of circulation issues, kicking around in that pool really gets my blood flowing.
I have so much life I want to live and things I’m aching to do. So when the numbers on the scale stall, it’s discouraging. But these are the days I remember to be grateful how far I have come in less than a year. And mostly the grace God had given me. I should be dead. But I am alive. There is a purpose in my life, I know I have a task ahead. There is a reason God has helped me survive. I am anxious to give hope to those who feel hopeless. One little spark of hope can change your whole life, it did mine. So, today, I will count my blessings, be kind to myself, and Thank God for all of you who never judge, only offer support. Thank you all so much! Be blessed.