I’ve been a bit of a negative Nancy lately. And my recent blog post reflect that. I’m not saying that my post are not valid. I’m just saying it’s important to lighten up once in a while. Losing over 300 pounds is a lot of serious work. It’s about digging deep, learning things about yourself you never realized. I have certainly been doing that. Some of these discoveries are deeply personal and very serious. Sometimes as I drag those flaws in my personality out of the darkness, they can sometimes come out sideways spilling all over the people I love the most. I just need to remember to take a break once in a while and feel the joy that is welling up inside of me.

I have come to realize I’m saying one sentence frequently…..When I get my weight off I will……..WHEN, yes WHEN. I seem to be living for tomorrow, and forgetting about today. It’s true, that I am working very hard at getting healthy. This includes much more that watching what I eat. I have many long conversations with mentors, and supportive friends, I read a lot. None of it is recreational reading.630382 I read a lot of self help books, books about growing in my Christian faith, and motivation materials. I believe what a former pastor once told me, “You become like the people you spend your time with and the books you read”.

It’s ok to take a breath, and enjoy your progress mid-stream. Not just saving it for when you “arrive”. In fact, like I have said many times, “there is no arrival”. I fear backsliding so much, that I think I hold back my joy. What if I let myself feel that Joy, and I unravel again?  I forget to embrace today. It’s important to enjoy the process. Because the process will be going on until the day the Lord calls me home.

One more reason I believe I do not let myself feel joy is fear. Moving forward and actually living my life requires bravery. It involves doing new things, and things I have not done in years. It’s scary. There are so many “what if” factors. It’s humiliating to say it, but even going to a restaurant, makes me jumpy. What if they have arms on their chairs and I can’t get my butt in them? What if the parking is far away or I have to walk stairs or up a hill? There are a million “what if’s” in my head.

But it’s time to start living again. I have a strong faith in God, I have turned my life over to Him, then why don’t I trust he will work these things out? I am going to work on this right now. Baby steps, but steps non the less. My head was full of “what if’s” when I took the initiative to go to the pool 3X a week. Now, the worries I had about going swimming seem a bit silly. It’s still hard to get there, but only hard, not impossible. It gets better every week.

So tomorrow I will meet some friends for coffee. I will remember to pamper myself a bit. Give myself the care and joy I have worked so hard for. It’s time I wake up and smell that coffee!




Thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog. I am a Baby Boomer from Nebraska blogging my way to good health. I am single, with no children, I have a little white maltese dog named Lily. Follow my journey to lose 1 pound 300 times.

6 thoughts on “Joy!

  1. You’re doing difficult things. And this exploration is taking you deep. I applaud your self-awareness in the process. This is important work–It’s a mission you’re on. Keep working, stay aware–be kind to yourself and others along the way–keep reaching for support and perspective–embrace gratitude and the joys of today, and by golly–you’re gonna make it. When I first started, I thought the physical transformation would be the most dramatic part. It’s not even close. The stuff you’re experiencing and writing about–this is where the biggest transformations occur. I’m smiling big for you.

  2. Wonderful, wonderful post, Kathleen! So much truth, and coincidentally I was just thinking about this very thing this morning… about the things we surround ourselves with, will determine our thinking, what we believe, how we feel, etc.

    Great reminders!

    • Kathleen

      You are right Retta! I regret all the time I wasted waiting to be happy. The time to change all of that is now! Have a great weekend!

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