We never stop learning about ourselves. Every time I take on a new challenge in life, I have to tell myself to pause and slow my brain down. It seems whenever I get overwhelmed, I shut down, and panic, this can soon turn into tears, or blaming someone or something else. I have done this all my life, but only the last few years have I recognize the behavior, with the help of some good friends pointing it out. My expectations are always very high. I think I am the only person I know who had such a blown over the top expectation of Disneyland, that when I got there, I was disappointed.
I have had very little formal education on the computer. I grew up in an era where we did not even have calculators. So all my training has been self taught. Learning something on the computer through a book or verbal instructions pretty much swallows me up in a very short time. My biggest problem is that I do not know the terminology. I do not know how to navigate common software as well. So the simplest instructions lose me really quick. It’s not a lack of intelligence, It’s about not getting the basics. I’m not sure exactly what a PDF file is or how it works, I just know if I click on it information seems to appear on my screen,… sometimes. But how to create one or save it, confuses me. So I just get mad, or cry. Then I get over it and move on.
I’m taking classes to become a Weight Loss Life Coach. I ace the communication part. It’s pretty natural for me to put someone at ease and open up. I am great at understand human emotions, and coaching someone through a task. But learning is a new animal these days. It’s far more than a text book, doing research and writing a few papers like I am use to when I took collage classes. This involves searching through websites, deep into massive links through a forest of pdf files, and forms to fill out. It feels like I will never quit fumbling, It seems to me it takes more of an education to learn the technology and where to find it than to actually learn the skill of coaching. Remember when homework was just answering a few questions in the back of the chapter you just read in a bound book? But isn’t that the case with learning anything new? I am trusting that soon I will find my way through all this and it will be a breeze. I know this because I knew nothing about blogging, and yet little by little I have figured out the basics of having a website, and using the software available to do a basic blog. I also have some very patient friends I can call along the way to help me figure it all out.
So what does this have to do with weight loss, you ask? Well my knee jerk reaction to calm myself is to eat. It also becomes a reward after a tough task. I’m not doing that this time. But I must confess, I have been very irritated and just plain grouchy this weekend. I believe this is one of the many paths to healing my hungry heart. Because it certainly is not belly hunger.
I figured out how to take some old VHS and 8mm videos and put them on Facebook this weekend. I had some very old videos of me and a friend who has passed, when we were children. I got to share it with her daughter. It was fun to share it. I also found some old video of my Father and his friend Everett riding their horses. I got to share that with Everett’s family. They were delighted! Watching these old videos of people I love that have passed on made me very lonely and weepy this weekend. But that’s the price we pay for loving and being loved deeply. It’s a fair trade off.
I am 2 pounds away from being under 400 pounds. I’m really hoping to getting there soon. The last time I was under 400 pounds was in 2001. And to think next year I will be under 300! Pound by pound, I am regaining my health back. And that’s something to rejoice over!