Tenacity; The quality or act to be able to grip something firmly. The quality or act of being very determined.
After a long month without a loss, I could not believe it! I am finally under the 400s. I am trying to wrap my head around all of this. I have been fighting the fight so long it seems surreal. I remember weighing 537 pounds and feeling hopeless and very scared. I wondered what would happen to me? How was my life going to end. I couldn’t possibly lose over 300 pounds, especially being in my 50’s. I was widowed, I had no family, I was totally broke, I could barely walk to the bathroom and felt God had abandoned me. Mostly I felt so much shame because of the mess I have made of my life. My friends were dropping off like flys, I was pathetic in their eyes. I don’t blame them, I was pathetic in my eyes as well. I had become very bitter. I will forever be grateful for this handful of gracious friends who loved me unconditionally. They saw my mess and yet, found something valuable in me I couldn’t see in myself. They loved me when I just couldn’t.
We are so capable of achieving so much more than we think we ever could. Sometimes It takes a crisis to push us out of the darkness. God has a way of taking the rubble from our lives and converting it into a treasure. But we have to be painfully honest, and willing. Shame keeps us from being honest. Just think how amazing we all could be if we could be truly honest and not hide the ugly things in our lives? I had to hit bottom and bounce around down there before I let go of my pride and shame and looked at the reality of my situation. I tried excuses and blaming everyone and everything around me, but that gets us nowhere. It only delays us and uses up precious time.
I was holding on to things that really didn’t matter. I was stalling myself from who I could truly be; the authentic person my creator designed me to be. Pride, possessions, status, wealth, are all things that we hoard, all while the real lasting treasures are right there within our reach.
When I look back at the progress in only a year, it takes my breath away. I am so focused on the next step, I sometimes fail to realize the ground I have gained. I will be working on a dream board with picture of some of the dreams I have about how my life will be. I’ll be posting it next week. Today I will celebrate the victory, and be grateful for the grace God gives me each every day.