Being my own Hero

I did not get to go to church today. I am sort of embarrassed to admit I simply had to choose to spend what money I had left on gas or medicine. I went to the Dr Friday and got a great report. But I also had my prescriptions renewed so had to get a lot of refills. I should have planned a little better.

My Dr was thrilled with my weight loss. My blood pressure is perfect, and I am no longer diabetic, I am just a tiny point enough to be pre-diabetic, but she is sure I will soon be free from being even pre-diabetic very soon. I still have to hear about some blood work regarding my thyroid that is not in yet, but other than that, God had graced me with this opportunity to regain my health. Something I no longer take for granted.

The human body is truly a miracle. After so much food abuse, I can lose weight and save my own life.

The weekend is feeling very long. I am trying to think of ways I can get out and not have to drive very far because I have no gas. I know this sounds silly, but I just needed to see people today, so I went to Walgreens to get my meds, and drove through Wendy’s to get a lite Lemonade, and sat in the Walmart parking lot to people watch and drink my lemonaide. I kinda feel pathetic telling you that, but for now its my life.  But the good thing is, I am going stir crazy being in this house so much. Before I lost this weight, I had no desire to leave my bed, let alone my home. I am still dealing with a little phobia getting out and feeling safe. That sounds crazy. The world had changed a lot in the last 10 years, which is basically how long its been since I have really lived. And even tho it is lonely, and horribly boring, staying inside is safe. I really believe some of us stay fat out of fear of really living. And I believe this fear is part of the reason so many of us gain it all back. We think losing weight will make us better people. When in reality, losing weight is ONLY a health issue.

I remember 20 years ago when I lost 200 pounds. I really thought it would make me marketable for the dating world. Yet I seemed to never meet anyone and the few dates I had were with strange guys I met on line.God sure protected me from some stupid choices I made.  My dating life was a train wreck! I thought losing weight would solve all my loneliness problems, and when it didn’t, I started to believe I was defective. I often settled for less than I deserved. I’m sure I came off so desperate, the few nice guys I did know were scared I was too needy and would eventually smother them. I have since learned to be my own hero. If I want the fairy tale, I can buy the book. If I want a healthy relationship, I need to be whole.

Confidence is one of the most attractive thing a person can have. 18 years ago I was turning 40, and terrified to be alone the rest of my life. No one can really complete us. And I believe I needed to come to realize that when I gained all that weight back. What I was looking for was something I failed to give myself.

If I do happen to get into a relationship in this season of my life, it would be a completely different experience. I am taking care of my own needs now. I no longer need a relationship to validate my ability to be loved.

Have a happy and safe weekend everyone!

Just a reminder;

Wednesday night Sean Anderson, Coach Gerri Helms, and me, Coach Kathleen Miles, are giving you the opportunity to participate in our one night FREE seminar on how to gain back your health and use group support to help you get there. You won’t be asked to talk, just listen in LIVE to our stories and testimonials! It’s free and a great way to learn about the weight loss groups I have been giving the opportunity to help facilitate. To register just click on this link. http://totalkathy.com/?event=dont-diet-live-it  or click the event tab on the top of my site.

free night

by

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog. I am a Baby Boomer from Nebraska blogging my way to good health. I am single, with no children, I have a little white maltese dog named Lily. Follow my journey to lose 1 pound 300 times.

2 thoughts on “Being my own Hero

  1. Brenda

    Hi, Kathy—I am kind of a prisoner in my own home, too. I have diabetes and didn’t take care of myself, and on March 8th, I woke up with sixth nerve palsy. In a nutshell, that is a form of neuropathy that affects the nerves that control your eyes. It is getting better now, but I haven’t been able to drive for over two months because I see double. My mom has been tremendously helpful and has been coming over to take me grocery shopping and to medical appointments, but I haven’t wanted to burden her with taking me for social outings or extra shopping. (I’m a quilter, and I will probably burst into tears of gratitude the next time I am able to drive myself to the fabric shop and actually see all the colors and detail in the fabrics. I miss my sewing machine!) I also had to have a cancerous spot removed from my face Friday. I was awake for the procedure, and when I was time to close the wound, I panicked and had to leave. Now I am walking around with an open wound on my face about the size of a dime. I had joined the local quilt guild before all this started in an effort to get out more, but how can I go to meetings and sewing days with this hole in my face? (It’s totally gross–like throw up or faint when someone sees it gross. It also bleeds when I eat or talk too much.) I am writing because I find inspiration in your blog—even though we are hundreds of miles apart, I feel better knowing I am not alone in my isolation. Like you, I used to work, have friends, and be social, but my health issues have made my world very small—it doesn’t extend much beyond my couch. I put a Band-Aid on my face and drove myself to the store yesterday, and I felt as though I had swam the English channel or scaled Mt. Everest. I am going to rest a few more days because of my face, but I am going to start forcing myself to clean up, get dressed, and go somewhere everyday. A trip to Wendy’s and then sitting in the WalMart parking lot doesn’t seem like such a small or silly thing to me—you are at least doing what you can to make your world a little bigger.

    • Kathleen

      Brenda, your message brought me to tears. I was just sitting here wondering what I will do today, thinking how just one more isolating day at home will put me over the edge. Yet, it seems like such an undertaking to just go somewhere. But we must! Brenda, just keep pushing yourself forward. It is the only way out. So much of this is a mental battle. We are capable of so much more. We both deserve a beautiful life. Give yourself that gift today. Stay strong my friend, there are a thousand quilts out there ready for you to sew. (I love quilts)

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